Male pattern baldness will effect up to 70% of men at some point in their lifetime which forces me to thank my father for his genes, thereby placing me in the remaining 30%. (For the moment.) I have what you might call a head that needs hair. Male pattern baldness is nothing like blogging, unless off course you count the times when you pull out tuffs of your own hair whilst staring at the blank screen, who by the way, taunts you like a middle school playground bully. Those moments when you have a desire to write but your head remains a black hole. Continue reading
I rarely re-blog, but this is just way to HILARIOUS not to pass on.
Having techno-savvy kids and a teacher-Wife whom is sorta, how can I put it nicely, technologically-disabled, this one hits home in a BIG way. I was laughing at every single one. But maybe it’s just me! Enjoy.
This is starting to sound like an answering machine message. You know those monotonous few sentences that is the same on every machine in the world. But in order not to seem lazy, here’s a summary of what I’m ranting about: This post is the third set of 5 in a series of 40 things I’ve learned in my short life, which I’m jotting down for my kids and anyone else who might want to learn from the school fees I’ve paid. I’m dishing out the knowledge free of charge for I’m turning forty in 15 days.
So before some of my regular readers fall asleep, here’s the next five…
11. Appreciate your family. All of them. All of the mongrels, hobbits, weirdo’s, streakers and sluts you think they might be. In the end, you can’t pick who are privileged enough to share the distinguishing quality of having the same blood coursing through their veins, so just love them and accept them for who they are. You may even limit social interactions to Christmas and birthdays, but make the effort. For when, and let’s hope it doesn’t happen, the shit REALLY hits the fan, you might find that the Hobbit on your mother’s side, who has been living under a tree, might be the only one who’s prepared to join you on your quest of recovery.
12. Respect alcohol. You may use it, but respect it. For if you don’t it will turn around and bitch-slap you across the face. And then once you’re lying on the floor surprised, it will jump on you and kick all the living shit out of you. And it WILL happen at least once in your life. Then you will see the amazing transformation when the mightiest men turn into mumbling fools, right in front of your eyes. It’s also extremely potent as a cleaning agent. For it has the potential to remove everything and anything from your life. Your money. Your time. Your friends. Your family. Your career. Everything. And it won’t stop there. It will even delete your name or at the very least diminish it, to a grovelling version of its former self. Use, don’t abuse.
13. Consider what you post on social networks. And this might come as a surprise, but if you don’t and you are careless and ignorant and self-absorbed or just a plain pompous ass, then you might end up on the floor, shocked and surprised with no friends. Sort of like I described above.
14. Cherish your friends. And the great thing about friends are that you have the right to choose who you want in your life. But don’t be picky and judgemental. As I know I’m the only perfect human on this planet, that excludes you from that description. With every issue you might have with friends, just remember they might have the same issue with you. And they still stuck with you, so get over it and move on. Friendships are the desserts in the buffet of life for they make everything you do with them, that much sweeter.
15. Have children. They are the biggest blessing one can ever hope to receive in this world today. You will never ever doubt your purpose on earth, and you’ll be fulfilled and uplifted every time you see them, doesn’t matter how bad your day might have been. (Well, at least until they turn into teenagers, that is.) And be kind to them. For they are going to choose your nursing home and you never know when you might need a new kidney.
Ticked number fifteen. Watch this space for more to come. And yes I know, you can thank me later.