Braces off

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You should thank me for NOT posting some of the other images one gets when Googling “crooked teeth”.  Image courtesy of http://www.mydentail.ie

As parents we are very much aware of events in the lives of our children, especially when it comes to signs of them growing up.

We celebrate their first tooth, their first word and their first step.  We celebrate their first successful poop in a potty.  And then commence to change a thousand soiled underpants thereafter.  We celebrate their first day of kindergarten with tears of joy and their last day of high school with unattractive sobbing. Continue reading

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Ten reasons why parenting teens and parenting toddlers are exactly the same thing.

I’m half-way through the war and I’m happy to report that there’s only been a limited amount of injuries and no casualties.  One can only hope that the post-traumatic stress of the battles won’t cause excessive psychological damage in the long run.

The war I’m referring to is trying to get my spawn to migrate from kids to teenagers.  And I have two.  Don’t feel sorry for me, just send money.  And alcohol.

Seriously though, thus far they haven’t turned into the raging hormonal freaks so many other parents warned us about.  They’re merely two hormonal, moderately erratic, older versions of the loving kids that used to live in our house.  Two people trying to understand who they are, where they fit in and how to cope with life.  We pray that this journey of discovery ends in complete acceptance and unconditional self-love. Continue reading

Breaking your arse and other realities of the South African judicial system

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People with confused expressions were lining the hallways.  All of them sitting on the hardest bench in the history of mankind, waiting. Waiting to die, waiting to live, waiting for an absolution that would never come… (Sorry, I watched Titanic last week.) In reality it was nothing that dramatic, they were all just waiting for their turn in the witness stand, ready to condemn another criminal to a few months in prison.

Which is why the Wife and I were spending the day surrounded by cops and robbers. Continue reading

Calling Shotgun! might even result in world peace

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In that moment when Henry Ford invented the first black car, he introduced an eternal battle among all siblings.  A universal crisis facing every parent on a daily basis.  A headache inducing logistical nightmare, and another reason why Cain killed Abel.  I’ll bet my salary that someone, somewhere is having a fight about it right now. Some poor father having to decipher and figure out which kid gets to ride in the front seat…

With my limited attention span I barely remember what stuff to buy on a trip to the shop, never mind trying to remember whose turn it is to take that coveted spot next to me. Continue reading

All about me

I normally don’t react to daily WordPress prompts when it clutters fills my mailbox.  Most of them slip through the cracks but there are some….Like when the prompt is All about me.  I’m way too narcissistic and self-centered to ignore this one.  It wants you to Explain why you chose your blog’s title and what it means to you.  Which is exactly what I’m NOT going to do.  For I actually have a page that explains Why I Blog, aptly called All about me, but I had it first.

I figured it was high time to introduce the person behind Ah Dad… Let’s start from the top with a family-selfie aka  A FALFIE

I'm the fly.

I’m the fly.

Continue reading

Things I learned on Christmas day

This post would obviously not reflect the lessons already learned, like the true meaning of Christmas, how to wrap a gift that doesn’t come in a box, and the anxiety of a male forced to accompany the wife on a last shopping spree.  (Technically I’m still battling with that last one!  I morph into a mutation of a crying baby, tantrum throwing toddler, slouching teenager and aching geriatric all in one.)

Weird shit I tell ya.

The few things I did learn on this Christmas day would probably be considered common sense, but give me a break for I need to come  up with new material for my blog, which I desperately neglected over the last two/three weeks.

1. I understand why gluttony is considered one of the seven deadly sins.  Because I almost died of the amount of food I consumed over the last two days.  My belly button popped and my stomach was hanging over my knees.  I was constantly uncomfortable, felt slightly guilty, hid my gym membership and just. kept. on. eating.  I’m ashamed.

2. The idea of inviting extended family to join on this day looks great on paper, but you will learn quickly that sharing a portion of the same DNA would be the only thing you’ll have in common with people you see once a year.   You will understand that there is life beyond our blue sky, cause I’ve ask myself numerous times from which fucking planet does all these uncles, aunts and cousins come from.  Awkward moments of silence, watching channels I didn’t know existed on cable and sitting through hours of the MOST boring stories ever conceived by humanity, tempted me in shoving my finger into a pencil sharpener as a reminder that there are things that can hurt more than spending countless hours with a weird extended family.

3. The youngest member of any family will get the most attention.  Fact.  Doesn’t matter what that age might be, it can range from three weeks to 14 years.  Everyone will goo and ga and take photo’s and comment on every action of the said little person.  And those actions will include s(h)itting, playing with a piece of chocolate wrapping paper and talking in some gibberish language, also spoken by adults after too much wine.

The last lesson was actually just a reminder of how amazing this specific fake-tree-fake-snow-too-much-food-holiday actually is.  (At least down here in Africa, where the chance of seeing snow in December would be equal to finding a good Adam Sandler movie.)  It’s a wondrous holiday where we can reminisce in the blessings we receive daily.

It reminded me of how fortunate I am to have a shitload of good food on the table and a SUV full of the weirdest family members, all laughing, sharing, giving, talking, eating.  It’s the one day where normal definitions of dick/dueche/bitch/idiot/annoying doesn’t apply and we accept one another with all our faults and hazzles and just hug and share and love. (It makes it easier when there are some colorful wrapped boxes involved…)

So I trust everyone had a very, merry Christmas.

No-one survives on their own – A lesson I learned from The Walking Dead

Let’s start with the obvious: The Walking Dead is f 🙂 cking awesome.

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Oops, an f-bomb, and this on a child friendly blog, what kind of parent am I?  A great one, if you ask the right people, but also a parent who understands that in specific descriptive situations, no word in the English language works better.  Mainly because words like prodigious is not only pretentious but I don’t know what it means.  There might be some great arguments for using the words brilliant or awe-inspiring; but thanks, I’ll stick with my chosen expression of profanity in the context of my statement.

Season 3 was the stuff of nightmares, not only for all the blood, guts, anxiety, severed body parts, squishy sound editing, trauma, relief and awesome make-up, but for introducing a villain that makes the zombies look like the good guys.  Aka the new face of the boogeyman, the one-eyed lunatic, The Governor.  And believe me, Arnold has nothing on this guy, not even if you consider his shenanigans with the help.  This guy brings a total different definition to the concepts of fatherly love and mental instability.

The other lesson we learned in that final moments of the finale, was the reality that people need each other.  Rick made an observation that: “We cannot do it on our own, we will only survive if we work together.” To which Daryl replied matter-of-factly: “It’s always been that way, even before all this shit, it’s always been true.”

Eureka!  Give that man a bells.  He has wisdom and can shoot an arrow, even after he *spoiler alert* shoved one into his brother’s eye socket.

So because we learned it from TV, it has to be true, right?  No stupid, it’s been a known fact for millenia.  Humans cannot survive on their own.  We need each other.  We are genetically programmed by our Creator to convert in herds.  To run in packs.  How else do you think the first family got around to enjoy some juicy Mammoth steaks in year one of human evolution?

As I was sitting at a pool bar, in the semi-hot moonlight of the Dubai dessert, minding my own business, tweeting, and thinking about my next post, (and yes there was wine and shisha), it became apparent how much humans like other humans.  A woman  to my right was shrieking like a cat in a tumble dryer when she was surprised by a friend, whom she obviously  haven’t seen for a while.  From her reaction it seemed her friend was raised from the dead.  (Sorry for another zombie reference.)

Finally relieved when they left, I scanned the area and all around me people were having fun in the company of other people.  The laughing, talking, drinking, laughing, rubbing, (yes there were some rubbing), were all happening where people were in groups.  Even if said group is two.  The interaction created a buzz that drenched the crappy music echoing over the speakers of the pink bar.  People have the ability to make other people light up.

By comparison there was the elect few who was sitting by themselves,  Looking solemn, sad and pathetic.  I’m kidding.  But imagine for a moment a single guy or gal laughing hysterically at the night sky.  Nuff said.  So most of the single people around the bar area had serious faces, probably thinking about life, work, family, relatives or when that prostitute across the bar will make her move on the desperate guy on her right.

I sat in silence and sipped my beer, grateful to know this was only a temporary loneliness, actually relishing in the quiet moments after almost winning the rat race twice that day.  I understand that I am blessed for having someone across the waters waiting on me in anticipation.  Someone who’s is literally counting down the hours of my return, who flipped the hour-glass as soon as I left the building.  Tomorrow night our little herd will be grazing again, together.

And then my thoughts starting drifting on the wafts of the shisha-smoke to some of the real lonely people in the world.  Those who never gets the surprise visit, the unexpected smile, the wondrous warm embrace, the invitation for social interaction.  Not even a phone call or an e-mail.  Like infected souls, isolated from human contact. People in old age homes, orphans, the homeless and destitute.  Name them, so many wandering this earth alone. Never having the pleasure of their own faces lighting up.

And they shouldn’t be alone.  None of us has too.  No-one is suppose to be alone.

For being alone for too long might result in you forming an endearing friendship with a painted face on a basketball.

“Hi Wilson!”