Laugh with me #46

Face plants are always funny but sometimes they’re just frigging hilarious.  Especially if it didn’t happen to you or a loved one.  No wait, that’s wrong.  Face plants are especially funny when it happens to someone you love…

I’m sure the guy/girl/friend/mother/uncle who was taping this little treasure had to be admitted to hospital, suffering a torn spleen caused by hysterical laughter, moments later.  ouch,gif,beach,fail nation,g rated

It’s also the reason why I prefer to just lie on a beach and do nothing.  I have no intention of landing arse in the air with my head in the sand.

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Laugh with me #45

I know I’ve posted yesterday.  Twice actually.  I normally don’t post these GIFS in quick succession but I couldn’t resist.  It’s another birthday fail that cracked me up like a great episode of Friends.

It’s also a near perfect example of how parents can ruin the life of their kids.  Other examples include parents displaying signs of affection in public, a Mom showing baby photo’s to any prospective boyfriends/girlfriends and a Dad performing sexy dance moves at a birthday party.

Or doing this…I reckon the poor kid requires counselling.

2o2XfwXRWOZaaunV3SpE_Cake Drop Fail

Laugh with me #36

Humans are stupid.  At least some of us.  We continue to injure our ego and our faces by doing senseless, idiotic acts that makes a lot of sense during the planning phase. Why else would someone be holding a camera?  It’s only during the execution phase when the plan does NOT come together and you end up with something less than epic.

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Most people might think it’s only guys who sometimes leave their brains at home but evidently this is not the case.

I think this is called extreme planking…with a twist.  She lost the fight with this household appliance because a stove ain’t no-one’s bitch…

Chuck Norris has a brother. And I think I’ve met him.

I was sitting in a pub in Dubai, minding my own business, reading my Twitter feed where people are still saying Hello to Adele and Donald Trump is still acting like a lunatic. Or is he?

Then he plunked himself in the open seat next to me, making a very loud, but painful noise. Like he was having a contraction or worse.

“I’ve broken three ribs,” he declares to anyone or no-one. My parents told me never to talk to strangers, so I ignored the man.

“I was released from hospital today.”

It dawned on me that he was actually trying to talk to me. Continue reading

Laugh with me #14

This would probably go down in history as the most expensive car wash in the history of mankind!

gif,cars,car wash,funny,fail nation,g rated

This man teaches us all a valuable lesson: “Sometimes one should simply leave the windshield wiper where it is.”

Or as Confucius would say: “Don’t fret the small stuff because when you do; you might just be creating bigger stuff to fret about.”

 

My first real face-plant.

Royalty Free RF Clip Art Illustration Of A Cartoon Clumsy Businessman Falling On His Face

Yes it hurts.

It happened instantaneously.  One moment I was on my feet, the next, I was lying on the floor, spread out amongst shocked faces that turned into hysterics shortly thereafter.  Final result: Floor = 1, Ah Dad = 0.  And I have the bruised cheek (and ego) to prove it.

We celebrated the arrival of 2014 in spectacular fashion with some great friends.  It was the awesome-st of awesome, a sort of middle-age frat party if you will.  Our joyous gathering migrated from friends talking, to eating, to appreciating eighties music, to dance roulette.  (For those uninformed people, dance roulette is a game where you flick through your music selection on your tablet and then dance to any random song that comes up.)

Eventually we ended up in the pool.  It was there.  It was clean and shiny.   Technically we just kept on jumping in and getting out and jumping in again.  Like anxious toddlers standing on the side waiting for daddy to catch them.  It was basically an exercise in water displacement.  I was a little disappointed to find there was still water left in the pool after our Olympic level diving sessions.

What we didn’t realise at the time was that all those little droplets who were exhumed from their serenity of glittering in the moonlight were plotting revenge.  They were gathering their forces and sneaked by in little streams and puddles.  They eventually made their way onto our “dancefloor”.

We were refreshed and decided to continue our game of dance roulette.  And here’s a little known fact: White men can’t dance, but white men with too much punch think they can.  It was my turn and I was assigned a great eighties anthem.  I was about to do an interpret dance on “Shout”, my own freestyle version of it , when I stepped on the rebellious water that gathered silently in a huge puddle on the floor.  (Curses for making water a clear liquid!)

I slipped.  Spectacularly.   And fell on my face.  With the loudest “DUD!” every recorded in the history of man.  A full-on text book face-plant.  This only happens when your head decides to move south at the speed of gravity and your body follows suit, only to be stopped by a concrete floor.  I was am still pissed at my arms for failing miserably in breaking my fall.  And now I have a semi-swollen, blue-ish tinted left cheek, with a much more bruised self-esteem.  In fact, I think my pride is still stuck on that damn floor.  Must admit chewing is slightly more difficult than last year.  (But it was worth it!!)

To add insult to injury, which in this case implies a literal reality, I asked my wife how the hell did I manage to fall so hard…on my face?  Don’t people normally slip and fall and end up on their asses?    Her reply was a sinister one, camouflaged with layers of love and sympathy.  When actually is was just a very typical I-told-you-so.  She said:

“It happens when grown men wants to act like little kids.”

Isn’t she lovely?