How Male Pattern Baldness is nothing like Blogging. Or maybe it is.

At least you might still have some hair on your back

At least you might still have some hair on your back

Male pattern baldness will effect up to 70% of men at some point in their lifetime which forces me to thank my father for his genes, thereby placing me in the remaining 30%. (For the moment.) I have what you might call a head that needs hair. Male pattern baldness is nothing like blogging, unless off course you count the times when you pull out tuffs of your own hair whilst staring at the blank screen, who by the way, taunts you like a middle school playground bully. Those moments when you have a desire to write but your head remains a black hole. Continue reading

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You gonna miss me when I’m gone…Go Anna! Go Anna!

News doesn’t always make me smile, but sometimes a headline makes me feel all giddy and happy.  I have posted my love for the movie Pitch Perfect before and my adoration for all things Anna Kendrick is well known.  What might not be common knowledge is our household theme song for the past few weeks: Whem I”m gone (Probably better known as the Cup song), performed by Her Awesomness.  I use the word perform specifically because it’s one of the most entertaining pieces of music I have heard in a very long time.  Your life will be better if you watch the clip. Continue reading

Greed on display

File:NBC Take It All .jpgI know there is crap on television everyday.  It is a fact that modern man/woman/child may spend countless days watching bull shit in their living rooms.  I also accept the fact that the viewer chooses, out of his own free will, what he/she wants to watch, as the flick of a button doesn’t take that much energy.

When I’m bored and I surf a little, I sometimes stumble on actual proof that our society is sliding down a bannister into the pits of hell, case in point this post.  Other times I actually want to watch a program with an interesting concept, only to end up believing that we might as well be living in the Hunger Games, the only difference being children are not killed for entertainment…Yet.

New case in point, an American game show called Take it all.

The premise, for those of you who haven’t watch it, five contestants pick numbers and receive prices valued in a specific price range.  Every round the person who picks the lowest priced item is eliminated.  There is therefore some skill involved in your ability to guess the price tag on random articles such as a boxing ring or a photographic booth.  (Which was two of the prices on the show I watched)  You can either pick a number or take one of the already chosen prices from the other contestants.  As you progress to the next level you retain the prices you picked.

Until there is only two contestants left, then there is a PRICE FIGHT.  Also announced with a lot of fanfare.  This is where I got sick.

Each contestant has two options.  They can choose “Take it all” or “Keep mine”.   When both contestants select “Keep mine”, they walk away with everything they have won. If only one person selects “Keep mine”, the one who picked “Take it all” walks away with all the prices collected by both finalists.  Opponent get’s nothing, nada, zilch.  Not even a pat on the back.  The tricky part is when both of them choose “Take it all” both contestants end up with nothing.  Wikipedia said the final round of the game is based on the Prisoner’s dilemma.

We know game-show producers are some of the most twisted bastards alive, so to add insult to injury, both contestants pick an envelope with a cash value ranging from 25 to 250 k, and it’s added to the basket of prices.

Sounds like fun?  I though so too.

Then I saw the reality of the game playing out last night.  I knew now what a modern day, real life villain looks like.  Forget the Joker, Sebastian Shaw or any guest from the Jerry Springer show.  There was a guy last night who resembled the lowest of the low on offer on the shelves of homo sapiens integrity.  This excuse of a man had the ethic and moral fibre of a snake.

Both contestants had the chance to discuss their choices and both decided that they will pick “Keep mine”, listening to both of their emotional stories of loss and wanting to give something back.  Then Captain Prick, whom I will hit in the face if ever I see him in real life, screwed his opponent and took everything from the poor girl on the left.  That must have been a really proud moment for his parents whom realised that they have raised the biggest ass alive.

“Only a game”, you might say, “Chill out brother.”  I am not your brother, anyhow…

It is a game based on greed.  It’s a game that takes one of the seven deadly sins and twists it into fun, exploiting the carnal desire of WANT for our entertainment.  Seeing how one person can be so conniving, spiteful and deceiving is NOT fun.  It stimulated my need to vomit and cry at the same time.  The wife and I just sat there dumbstruck and went into parenting mode immediately, as our kids were watching this “family entertainment” with us.

Is this what we do for entertainment now?  It this the kind of thing people want to see?  I  understand that the players signing on for the show knows the risks involved, but why she didn’t beat the shit out of him is beyond me.  That is control, with a capital C.  I can’t remember seeing such an obvious, in-your-face, display of greed, since I watch Se7en.

What are we suppose to do now, in that specific timeslot, on a Sunday afternoon?  I say let’s kill kittens, because it would probably make me less sick.

Liebster award (or Are you kidding me? as it’s known in my house)

I try to be original whilst channelling the randomness, that is my mind, through my fingers on a keyboard, to the blank screen.  And whilst typing I do my utmost to make these ramblings entertaining with speckles of funny, sarcasm, charm and sincerity.  But my reaction to any award nomination is pretty generic.  I scream, cry, laugh and pee.  In that order, every time.

So thanks to this funny writer I have to make up feeble excuses for the massive yellow stain I have on my pants now.  Spilled coffee worked well, as that could also explain why I gave the bone-chilling scream.  The only problem is that I don’t need more reasons for people to stand in groups, ogle me suspiciously, laugh and then shake their heads.

Enough of my own insecurities.  This lady, I trust she is that, remains one of the best things on this site, so here’s hoping you get your shit together and go read her stuff.  Check this out…  I hope to be just as funny when I grow up, and write at least half as well.

For this award to mean something there has to be some rules and as a child born in the seventies I don’t do rules well, but here goes.

  1. Thank the Liebster Blog presenter who nominated you and link back to their blog.
  2. Post 11  facts about yourself, answer the 11 questions you were asked and create 11 questions for your nominees.
  3. Nominate 11 blogs who you feel deserve to be noticed and leave a comment on their blog letting them know they have been chosen.
  4. Display the Liebster Award logo.
  5. No tag back thingys.  (WTF?)

So the only downfall of this is listing 11 things about myself.  I am only slightly vain, so this is a challenge for me.  Although my fan club wold disagree.  All three of them.

1. I really don’t like winters, and the worst part is, getting out of bed.  This sucks eggs and socks and every degenerate thing on earth.  It’s moments in the morning that I wish I could come back as a bear, or even a damn rodent, just to hibernate for the whole season.

2. I have been nominated for a Liebster award.  I know it is kinda obvious, but let me relish in my moment please.

3. I was invited to a be a contributing writer on www.parents-space.com. (Which was another Are you kidding me!-moment.)  Great site by the way, packed with wisdom and other stuff.  Don’t thank me, thank her.

4. I hate any form of violence against woman and children, and no, this is not trying to score browning points.  Punishment for these sick fucks should be so severe that it cannot be written down anywhere, as reading it would cause immediate vomiting.

5. I love my wife.  (This is trying to score browning points)

6. My brother-in-law was the first person to suggest I start a blog, thanks for my new addiction and thus ruining my life, Callum!

7. I am writing these stories for my kids so I try and keep the language as kid friendly as possible.  (Here’s hoping they read it) But sometimes great adjectives cannot replace simple words like fuck.  And this is such a versatile word; for it can be used as a verb, an adjective, an expression, an outcry and even a noun. (I’ll still blog about this one day)

8.  I am really battling to get to 11, so I decided to revert to the simple stuff.  I love orange…the colour and the fruit.

9.  I am 6″4, weighing around 212 pounds.  This might be too much information, correct?

10. I am not sure what’s my wife’s natural hair colour.

11.  I might be screwed up a little, but I have the genetic ability to create the greatest little humans around.  Fortunately for them they turned out to look more like their mom, so they don’t need to work that hard on their personalities.

Now the Eleven Questions:

1. If you could be a superhero, what power would you want?  Flight, superhuman strength, invisibility, telepathy, teleportation, ability to project force fields and ability to stop time.  “Ah dad, they said only pick one.”  Screw them.  I want them all.

2. Coke or Pepsi?  Coke, with some Captain Morgan.  Damn I’m thirsty now.

3. What do you believe in? That I would be a lost soul if it wasn’t for the anchor to my existence, my wife and best friend. (Same person sicko’s)

4. Who inspires you?  Superman and Christopher Nolan.

5. Are you an Old Soul or Young at Heart? I am going to use her answer.  Yes.

6. What was your first job?  Being a waiter, cliché right?  Well I sucked at it and was fired within three months.  One month was training.  I am still untill this day, a very good tipper.

7. If you could go back in time and change one event in history, what would it be?  Giving the guys who implemented Apartheid in South Africa, a kick to the head, for this place would be much less controversial and I would be able to travel anywhere without having to talk about black and white.

8. What is your dream car?  One that can hover and be powered by air.

9. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?  Italian.

10. Dog person or cat person?  Some days the only love I get is from the dog, so definitely a dog person.  Cats creep me out, they are much too independent to be classified as animals.  Fortunately for me the wife is allergic to cat hair.  I would have faked my own allergy if this wasn’t true.

11. What one place would you like to visit before you die?  Disneyland.  Don’t judge me.

Now for my 11 questions.  (By the way why 11?)

1. Where do you live?  Be specific. (Stalker in training)

2. I-pad or Samsung Tablet?

3. Who is your favourite author?

4.  What is the last album you bought?

5. What is the worst song ever recorded?

6. No hair or grey hair?

7. If you could fly like Peter Pan with pixie dust, what would your happy thought be?

8. Have you ever been in a fight/brawl in a public place?

9. Why do you write?

10. You are stuck alone on an Island, and while exploring you find a wooden house.  Who would you like to see opening the door?

11. You have enough money to create an authentic costume, and you have the body to pull of anything.  Which character/thing would you choose to dress up as, for your next Halloween party?

Then my 11 nominees: (I am not sure if they comply with having less than 200 followers, but again rules, not my strong suite, so I am listing the ones I enjoy)

http://breakroomstories.com/

http://daditsok.wordpress.com/

http://theofficialhowtoblog.wordpress.com/

http://thethingsiseeuphere.com/

http://cappywrites.com/

http://freelittlewords.wordpress.com/

http://jfitz524.wordpress.com/

http://shelbur10.wordpress.com/

http://danielsfunny.com/

http://hoorayforskanks.com/

http://ahundredauthors.wordpress.com/

Now only to notify them and I am done.  By the way, is it not ironic that this is my 100th post!

Making marvel(ous) movies

It’s confession time…

I’m taking off the jacket, throwing my shirt and tie on the ground.  I will reveal my favourite t-shirt…A composite face of the Avengers.  Yes, my name is Pieter and I am a geek.  Have been since I can remember, even before it became cool.

You see, I really love the whole Superhero pop culture.  My wife knew about it, just didn’t realise it would explode into the big money-making entertainment industry that it is now.   She didn’t expect that her husband would one day be able to get a Spiderman, Superman, Batman, Thor and Green Lantern t-shirt in adult sizes. Continue reading

Pitch Perfect

Picture this:  Me, driving around town, helping someone move house, whilst my little girl are practising drum beats on the dashboard, hitting it so passionately that I had to warn her that the airbags might deploy.  And she was doing this after seeing a movie, filled with brilliant performances, the most amazing music and a very specific song.

The movie is Pitch Perfect.  But this is NOT a movie review, because if it was I would give it 4.5 stars, because 5 stars are reserved for gems like Lord of the rings, Avatar and the Avengers.  (I am a geek)  This piece is about the wondrous effect a great movie has on my family. Continue reading