A status report.

I’ve been dead tired for the most part. I’m blaming jetlag. But this time it’s been really bad. It’s the kind of exhaustion that make me believe that the zombie virus could actually exist. I conducted a meeting and drove myself to the airport without actually being aware of me doing it. I think, I passed out on the plane from Brisbane because I missed the meal service. Well, it’s not really a meal service, it’s more like a snack bar.

I was sitting next to a newly married couple and I know this because of the way she made me watch her wedding photos on her iPhone.  And there was a lot of touching and smiling and looking happy.  It was totally inappropriate and I reckon newly weds should have a separate section on a plane. She begged the question and I asked. They were on their honeymoon. Do you now understand the kind of shit I have to deal with when I travel internationally? Continue reading

I’m down under

Where they love sheep, beer and winning against South Africa. I’m kidding…they never win against South Africa…

(And that caused a minor explosion.)

I’m in Sydney at the moment where a group of guys are shouting at one another in a friendly manner. They must all be deaf, or just have a dark desire to inform random strangers about their weekend. Or maybe they’re just drunk. We all know there is a direct correlation between the amount of alcohol and the volume of your voice.

I’m staying in Coogee beach and please don’t get me started on some of the names they give places down here.. Continue reading

The road to the Quarterfinal play-offs.

We have this thing.  With “we” I mean my friends and I.   Some people prefer to do their thing in the comfort and privacy of their own home.  Some even do it in the bedroom.  We’ve found the best way to add spice to our thing, is to do it in the company of each other.  It creates more atmosphere, ups the excitement level and it’s always a thrill seeing the expressions of my friends when our thing turns out better than we expected.

If the moment is truly epic, then there’s loud, roaring cheers and high-fives all around.  And why not, most things are simply better when you do it with friends.  Except off course falling out of a window.  That would be bad with or without friends.  Especially if the window is like really high and you end up falling on concrete and… sorry.  That’s not our thing.  Our “thing” is the LOVE of rugby.  Oops.  I meant to say wives, the fact that we love our wives.  And to watch rugby. Continue reading

A tram nearly killed me

Now where was I?  Oh yes bad comedy in Sydney. Seeing how someone dies on stage is never pleasant, even if the sicko made a rape joke. On second thought, he should have been skinned alive.

The rest of my stay in Sydney was pretty uneventful when you consider all the residents stay at home on a Tuesday night.  It is only the lonely travellers strolling the street like a lost zombie, trying to find a decent place to eat.

It is always funny how the hostess of a restaurant looks surprised when I ask for a table for one. Imagine if I asked her for an extra setting and some consideration for my imaginary friend Angelique, the jewish hippo in a leapordskin tutu. Continue reading

Being jet lagged, meeting Meghan Trainor, walking and then not laughing.

Due to the fact that I scored or lost a day travelling to New Zealand my bio-rhytm was a bit off. If a ‘bit off’  implies that I know now what stupid feels like.

Flew to Brisbane in a daze,  and not necessarily a good kind of daze, drove to my customer and was as surprised as the lady on the GPS for getting there in one piece. I reckon the customer regretted me not having a breathilizer test.  I finally finished the meeting with the biggest pupils ever seen on a man, change the voice on the GPS (I didn’t like her condescending tone) then drove to the hotel.

Arrived there mid afternoon and did what any person in my condition would do. Drew the blinds and slept. Woke up looking worse than I did before, took a shower and went for dinner.  Or did I? Continue reading

What’s up down under?

I’m boarding a plane again next week.  Cartographists, sailors and (I’m hoping) pilots will say I’m heading east. And as time lines go, I’ll be getting ahead of myself.  It’s nothing new, I tend to be ahead of myself most of the time, saying things I shouldn’t.  I’m visiting two of the countries stuck in the bottom right corner of the map.  Places down under where they like cricket and attempt to play rugby. Where winter arrives in June and men have an  inexplicable fondness for a certain farm animal.  Where they consider a playstation to be a sheep tied to a tree.

My first stop will be Middle Earth where Hobbits and Elves roam free.   Continue reading