Princess and I broke the law.

We took a week off last month.  It was during the winter break and that meant Wife, Dude and Princess were lounging around the house for three weeks, whilst yours truly were still grinding away (in a non-sexual way), working myself to death in the harshness of an air conditioned office.  Albeit in a very comfortable leather chair, streaming music and a cup of coffee every now and again.  Life is hard.

We love music festivals so we decided to take a week and head up north to attend Innibos.  A wonderful festival of music, food, art and wine.  Or beer.  The festival is even more fun if you are a fan of Afrikaans music.  If you’re not, or you don’t understand the language, then you probably won’t enjoy the festival as much as we did.  Keeping in mind there is still beer.

Whilst we were up there in the Northern corner of our country we also checked out a few of the sites and skipped through the Kruger National Park.  Technically, we drove through the Kruger National Park because skipping through it might imply suicide.  Lions tend to go for easy prey and a family of white South Africans, skipping through the bush, might just be, what they would consider, a take-away delivery.

During our little tour of Mpumalanga, which is the name of the province we were in and not an exotic dancer, Princess and I broke the law.  The place is called Bourkes Luck Potholes and as I’m not a travel agent, you are more than welcome to Google it, or do a quick browse of a few photos of the place by clicking on this word.

It is truly beautiful and there’s a lot of footpaths scattered across the site to take in the scenery from every possible angle.  There is also quite a few signs scattered across the same footpaths, warning pedestrians not to go beyond certain points.  Mainly because falling of a cliff can be detrimental to your health, even if it is a waterfall.

I might seem like your typical handsome, dashing and extremely strong middle aged man but in actual fact, I’m terrified of heights.  I’m not sure how I will die, but I’m 1000% convinced that it won’t be from falling off a cliff or a three story building.  Or the big slide at the park.  I become a paranoid banshee every time one of my family members venture to close to the edge of any higher ground.  That includes arguments.  Based on past experiences, the safe distance is 2.63 meters, which is even further when you measure it in foot.  It is a very specific distance because anything closer than that makes my voice disappear, as my hysteric screams of panic reach supersonic levels.

Back to me breaking the law.

Whilst strolling along the footpath, away from the cliff, I suddenly felt an urge to do something impulsive, to break rules, to feel some adrenalin pumping through my veins, to feel alive!  So I ventured off the footpath we were on and ignored the sign that was trying to save my life.  I went off the beaten track.  And here is the evidence of that wild moment.

20180625_124308

I saw the sign but chose to ignore it

So ladies, if you’re looking for someone who will ignore authority, break the rules of bureaucracy or ignore the rules that keeps society from becoming animals, but in a way that won’t get him arrested or killed, I’m your man.  Even though I’m taken.

A true rebel with a conscience and a sense of responsibility.  And I even convinced my daughter to join me in my life of crime.  What a day…

Advertisements

The humidity would’ve killed a lesser man

I was in Dubai two weeks ago, attending a conference.  For those of you who are geographically challenged, Dubai is a bright lights, big city in the desert. For those of you who are climatically challenged, September is the start of autumn for the residents of this massive outdoor sauna and the change of season means they change their description of the heat from “hof AF” to “hot as hell”.  The problem is that Dubai is on the coast, so for non-residents the heat remains best described as “hot AF.”  The humidity is a killer.

I almost died, every time I had to walk from the hotel lobby to the conference facility.  One would think that a conference facility would be inside the hotel but no. One had to go outside and walk like 50 meters or so.  And I’m not exaggerating about evading the sickle of the Grim Reaper because attending a conference in Dubai implies having to wear a suit.  It seems that businessmen over there like to dress up for death. Continue reading

What to do at an airport without a laptop

In the wake of the astonishingly and somewhat surprising revelation that the US, and it’s little brother the UK, has imposed a ban on travelers who want to carry laptops, tablets, camera’s, vibrators, vacuum cleaners, boom boxes and other big electronic equipment on a plane, I instinctively knew I had to assist my fellow travelers.  Especially those who travel on one of the eight airlines listed.  Fortunately the Southern tip of Africa is as yet still protected from the wrath of the Oompa Loompa King.

I immediately rushed to the closest phone booth and changed into my alter ego, Mister Know-It-All.  I was ready to fly off, faster than a speeding bullet and provide all my loyal followers with insight into handling this precarious position because no-one likes to leave their electronic partners at home.

So I’ve taken the liberty of listing a few things a person can do at an airport whilst waiting, without the luxury of having a laptop around. Continue reading

Three nights in Bangkok.

2016-12-08-00-13-28

In the past I would arrive in a new city, drop my luggage and go and explore.  Those were the days…of my youth.

Now I’m basically too exhausted to do anything.  It’s mainly due to delayed flights, many hours in transit, long hours in a cab, age, disturbingly long queues through customs and me not being able to sleep through any of it. (Did I say age?)  In summary, it took my almost 32 hours to get from my house to the hotel in Bangkok. And I had a function to attend.  I’m not complaining, it’s business after all… Continue reading

A status report.

I’ve been dead tired for the most part. I’m blaming jetlag. But this time it’s been really bad. It’s the kind of exhaustion that make me believe that the zombie virus could actually exist. I conducted a meeting and drove myself to the airport without actually being aware of me doing it. I think, I passed out on the plane from Brisbane because I missed the meal service. Well, it’s not really a meal service, it’s more like a snack bar.

I was sitting next to a newly married couple and I know this because of the way she made me watch her wedding photos on her iPhone.  And there was a lot of touching and smiling and looking happy.  It was totally inappropriate and I reckon newly weds should have a separate section on a plane. She begged the question and I asked. They were on their honeymoon. Do you now understand the kind of shit I have to deal with when I travel internationally? Continue reading

I’m down under

Where they love sheep, beer and winning against South Africa. I’m kidding…they never win against South Africa…

(And that caused a minor explosion.)

I’m in Sydney at the moment where a group of guys are shouting at one another in a friendly manner. They must all be deaf, or just have a dark desire to inform random strangers about their weekend. Or maybe they’re just drunk. We all know there is a direct correlation between the amount of alcohol and the volume of your voice.

I’m staying in Coogee beach and please don’t get me started on some of the names they give places down here.. Continue reading

Laugh with me #48

I know this is cheating but I’ve been busy.  With work.  Hahahahaha.  I kill me.

I’ve actually been happily tweeting for the last few days and discovered a whole new way of wasting time. I promise, I am working on a decent post for you.

Seeing that I’m sitting at an airport, again, this guy reminds me of me when I travel.  Not so much the falling but the excessive luggage begging for a disaster to happen.

tumblr_ndr9lvggbm1u0r39ho1_400

And due to some constraints on certain airlines, I’m also not allowed to take a cooler with me.

Asta la vista babies!!