Princess and I broke the law.

We took a week off last month.  It was during the winter break and that meant Wife, Dude and Princess were lounging around the house for three weeks, whilst yours truly were still grinding away (in a non-sexual way), working myself to death in the harshness of an air conditioned office.  Albeit in a very comfortable leather chair, streaming music and a cup of coffee every now and again.  Life is hard.

We love music festivals so we decided to take a week and head up north to attend Innibos.  A wonderful festival of music, food, art and wine.  Or beer.  The festival is even more fun if you are a fan of Afrikaans music.  If you’re not, or you don’t understand the language, then you probably won’t enjoy the festival as much as we did.  Keeping in mind there is still beer.

Whilst we were up there in the Northern corner of our country we also checked out a few of the sites and skipped through the Kruger National Park.  Technically, we drove through the Kruger National Park because skipping through it might imply suicide.  Lions tend to go for easy prey and a family of white South Africans, skipping through the bush, might just be, what they would consider, a take-away delivery.

During our little tour of Mpumalanga, which is the name of the province we were in and not an exotic dancer, Princess and I broke the law.  The place is called Bourkes Luck Potholes and as I’m not a travel agent, you are more than welcome to Google it, or do a quick browse of a few photos of the place by clicking on this word.

It is truly beautiful and there’s a lot of footpaths scattered across the site to take in the scenery from every possible angle.  There is also quite a few signs scattered across the same footpaths, warning pedestrians not to go beyond certain points.  Mainly because falling of a cliff can be detrimental to your health, even if it is a waterfall.

I might seem like your typical handsome, dashing and extremely strong middle aged man but in actual fact, I’m terrified of heights.  I’m not sure how I will die, but I’m 1000% convinced that it won’t be from falling off a cliff or a three story building.  Or the big slide at the park.  I become a paranoid banshee every time one of my family members venture to close to the edge of any higher ground.  That includes arguments.  Based on past experiences, the safe distance is 2.63 meters, which is even further when you measure it in foot.  It is a very specific distance because anything closer than that makes my voice disappear, as my hysteric screams of panic reach supersonic levels.

Back to me breaking the law.

Whilst strolling along the footpath, away from the cliff, I suddenly felt an urge to do something impulsive, to break rules, to feel some adrenalin pumping through my veins, to feel alive!  So I ventured off the footpath we were on and ignored the sign that was trying to save my life.  I went off the beaten track.  And here is the evidence of that wild moment.

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I saw the sign but chose to ignore it

So ladies, if you’re looking for someone who will ignore authority, break the rules of bureaucracy or ignore the rules that keeps society from becoming animals, but in a way that won’t get him arrested or killed, I’m your man.  Even though I’m taken.

A true rebel with a conscience and a sense of responsibility.  And I even convinced my daughter to join me in my life of crime.  What a day…

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One of these days we may have birdpie for dinner.

The third website I found, after googling “most dangerous countries in the world” as part of my research for this post, listed South Africa as number 17 on their list of 20.  It has to be said that the list was compiled by someone in the UK and we all know they’re just a bunch of scaredy cats.  The first two sites were a little more kind and listed as somewhere in the forties.  Based on this reality of living dangerously, I also own a semi-sophisticated security system that allow us to sleep at night.

Or more importantly, a system that allows us to wake up in the event of an intruder on our property.

In order to make this happen, I’ve installed a house alarm as well as four beams on the garden perimeter, that not only sets of an alarm (turning your heart into a glazier) but also automatically notifies an armed response company when it is breached.  If the company is any good, they will phone home just like ET and check if everything is in order, before they arrive with sirens and bullet proof vests and guns blazing.   Continue reading

Just another day at the office

Some of you may believe me, but I want to supply further proof that I live at the Southern tip of the Motherland. This was one of the first things I saw yesterday before coming to the office.  The bull was very protective of his herd and didn’t want us too close. DSC_9501

And for those who are wondering how this is possible, I had to accompany an international customer on a Safari through the African bush.  I have a tough life, I know.

Breaking your arse and other realities of the South African judicial system

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People with confused expressions were lining the hallways.  All of them sitting on the hardest bench in the history of mankind, waiting. Waiting to die, waiting to live, waiting for an absolution that would never come… (Sorry, I watched Titanic last week.) In reality it was nothing that dramatic, they were all just waiting for their turn in the witness stand, ready to condemn another criminal to a few months in prison.

Which is why the Wife and I were spending the day surrounded by cops and robbers. Continue reading

Idiot? Or Genius?

It has been confirmed on numerous occasions that people are capable of strange and stupid things.

When you watch this video below you will witness a naked guy robbing a liquor store in a small coastal town called Port Shepstone, South Africa.  The go-to reaction would be to condemn this man to full blown idiot-status.  Who in their right mind takes off every piece of clothing and use it to cover their face and then steal a few bottles of bourbon in their birthday suit? Based on my experience, a person normally gets rid of their clothes AFTER the consumption of liquor…not BEFORE.  (Did I say, experience?  I meant to say based on what I’ve heard…)

So this takes a very specific kind of stupid, right?  I mean who does that?  Running around arse-in-air, their head completely covered, stealing whisky… Continue reading