Princess and I broke the law.

We took a week off last month.  It was during the winter break and that meant Wife, Dude and Princess were lounging around the house for three weeks, whilst yours truly were still grinding away (in a non-sexual way), working myself to death in the harshness of an air conditioned office.  Albeit in a very comfortable leather chair, streaming music and a cup of coffee every now and again.  Life is hard.

We love music festivals so we decided to take a week and head up north to attend Innibos.  A wonderful festival of music, food, art and wine.  Or beer.  The festival is even more fun if you are a fan of Afrikaans music.  If you’re not, or you don’t understand the language, then you probably won’t enjoy the festival as much as we did.  Keeping in mind there is still beer.

Whilst we were up there in the Northern corner of our country we also checked out a few of the sites and skipped through the Kruger National Park.  Technically, we drove through the Kruger National Park because skipping through it might imply suicide.  Lions tend to go for easy prey and a family of white South Africans, skipping through the bush, might just be, what they would consider, a take-away delivery.

During our little tour of Mpumalanga, which is the name of the province we were in and not an exotic dancer, Princess and I broke the law.  The place is called Bourkes Luck Potholes and as I’m not a travel agent, you are more than welcome to Google it, or do a quick browse of a few photos of the place by clicking on this word.

It is truly beautiful and there’s a lot of footpaths scattered across the site to take in the scenery from every possible angle.  There is also quite a few signs scattered across the same footpaths, warning pedestrians not to go beyond certain points.  Mainly because falling of a cliff can be detrimental to your health, even if it is a waterfall.

I might seem like your typical handsome, dashing and extremely strong middle aged man but in actual fact, I’m terrified of heights.  I’m not sure how I will die, but I’m 1000% convinced that it won’t be from falling off a cliff or a three story building.  Or the big slide at the park.  I become a paranoid banshee every time one of my family members venture to close to the edge of any higher ground.  That includes arguments.  Based on past experiences, the safe distance is 2.63 meters, which is even further when you measure it in foot.  It is a very specific distance because anything closer than that makes my voice disappear, as my hysteric screams of panic reach supersonic levels.

Back to me breaking the law.

Whilst strolling along the footpath, away from the cliff, I suddenly felt an urge to do something impulsive, to break rules, to feel some adrenalin pumping through my veins, to feel alive!  So I ventured off the footpath we were on and ignored the sign that was trying to save my life.  I went off the beaten track.  And here is the evidence of that wild moment.

20180625_124308

I saw the sign but chose to ignore it

So ladies, if you’re looking for someone who will ignore authority, break the rules of bureaucracy or ignore the rules that keeps society from becoming animals, but in a way that won’t get him arrested or killed, I’m your man.  Even though I’m taken.

A true rebel with a conscience and a sense of responsibility.  And I even convinced my daughter to join me in my life of crime.  What a day…

Advertisements

One of these days we may have birdpie for dinner.

The third website I found, after googling “most dangerous countries in the world” as part of my research for this post, listed South Africa as number 17 on their list of 20.  It has to be said that the list was compiled by someone in the UK and we all know they’re just a bunch of scaredy cats.  The first two sites were a little more kind and listed as somewhere in the forties.  Based on this reality of living dangerously, I also own a semi-sophisticated security system that allow us to sleep at night.

Or more importantly, a system that allows us to wake up in the event of an intruder on our property.

In order to make this happen, I’ve installed a house alarm as well as four beams on the garden perimeter, that not only sets of an alarm (turning your heart into a glazier) but also automatically notifies an armed response company when it is breached.  If the company is any good, they will phone home just like ET and check if everything is in order, before they arrive with sirens and bullet proof vests and guns blazing.   Continue reading

So what happened to the fish?

Many have asked me what happened to the heap of fish I caught during our recent deep sea fishing expedition.  I will answer that question now.

It wasn’t really a heap of fish. I made that part up. Creative liberty.  Besides who would want to see a movie about my adventures at sea,  starring Chris Hemsworth, if I didn’t catch a fish or six. Maybe even seven.

Wife, the same person whom I love more than life itself, the mother of my children and the woman who supports me in almost anything, made it abundantly clear that she does not want any fish in her house. Technically it’s our house but I have been married long enough to know that if I disobey this direct instruction, I would need to find another place to rest my weary head. The fish and I.  At least for a while. Continue reading

A fish tale (A true story)

Captain No-Beard and his crew of less than ten merry men got on board of the, smaller than I hoped for, fishing boat at the crack of pre-dawn. We were ready to embark on a day of fishing in the warm, deep, blue waters of the Indian Ocean.  Our anxious faces couldn’t hide the hope of a fruitful day without puking.  Which is why we have been popping pills like The Desperate Housewives of Everywhere.

If you willingly accept a swig of the skipper’s concoction from hell, which he lovingly calls Neptune-juice, at five in the morning, then you’re either an alcoholic or a pirate.  We choose to associate ourselves with the skull-and-bone-black-flag type.

Shortly after getting on board we were cruising out of the harbor, catching the first rays of the sun as it peeked over the water. Continue reading

Laugh with me #32

I can now confirm that I’ve been on a fishing boat, cruising in deep waters that was far, far away from land. When I was, I didn’t catch the BIG one and have no heroic fishing tales to lie about.  So maybe it would be unfair for me to comment on the quick action of this dude.

But even with my newly opened mind and attitude adjustment, I still don’t think I would be the type of guy who will jump into shark invested waters, just to get away from a homicidal marlin on a mission.

But maybe I’m just a big mouth.

giphy (3)

What will it be?

I’ve been invited to go on a deep sea fishing expedition.  This shouldn’t be confused with me being invited to the premiere of Deadpool, which I wasn’t.  Even though the latter would cause everlasting happiness and joy in my soul.  The former…Not so much.  Why am I going then?  I’m not really sure to be perfectly honest.  I’ve never done it, so maybe it is a bucket list thing.  A few of my mates are going, so maybe I’m just one big sucker for peer pressure.

So here I’m off, all Captain Nemo and shit. Continue reading