All about me

In order to ensure that you understand the ramblings appearing on this site, please allow for a small introduction.  I am Ah Dad…but let’s start with a family-selfie aka  A FALFIE

I'm the fly.

I’m the fly.

I live in South Africa.  It’s a country not a region.  And yes, I’m white.  And no, I’m not a racist.  And yes, there are more of me.  And no, they are also not racist.  And yes, we have wild animals.  And no, they don’t roam the streets.  And yes, our president looks like a turtle.  And no, he doesn’t know what he’s doing.

I don’t live in a big city because I’m not crazy. What is not known about my country is the blissful eastern parts where the Drakensberg mountains creates the perfect setting for some of the most beautiful sunsets known to man. Where is my wine…?

I’m married.  This statement normally has two typical reactions, “No, it wasn’t an arranged marriage” and “Yes, I’m as surprised as you are”. Either way, I’m living proof that geeks get the best chicks.  We’ve been married for 19 years and she’s never considered divorce.  Poison yes, divorce never.  She knows I won’t be able to cope on my own.  Wife didn’t really have a choice in accepting my marriage proposal because it was one of the conditions for her release from captivity.  My captivity.  I always knew it was going to take some serious effort to find me a Wife.  It was easier once I got the chloroform.

We’ve got kids.  Yes, you would be correct in assuming we’ve done the nasty at least twice.  Our youngest is now 14, which makes our last time to be…uh…14 years and nine months ago.  Give or take a week.  My kids are great.  Especially when they’re asleep. They are both teenagers.  Hormone invested, irrational, temperamental creatures of joy.  They provide me with an understanding as to why some animals species eat their young.  Dude and Princess, who used to be little bundles of joy, has since become semi-detached, but remain my motivation for this blog.  I started out reflecting on life, but it soon changed into paragraphs I want them to read.  It is my stories on attitude, friends, lessons learned and moments in life, like how I fell in love with the WifeThey are a pigeon pair for which I’m eternally grateful.

If Princess turned out to be another Dude, we would have had to try again.  Wife really wanted a girl.  Fortunately I made sure #2 was a girl.  Otherwise I would have had been stuck with three or more of those little things that need constant feeding.  And let’s face it, three kids are three kids more than what I can handle with moderate success.  It should be said that Wife has been stuck with three kids in the house since she gave birth to two and found the third on a date.  And all of us are servants to the King of our house, a gay French Poodle.

Being a Dad is awesome.  For many reasons.  Like not being able to watch a game without interruption.  Or having to explain a movie.  Over and over.  Or having to do things on a Saturday, which is the holy day for most men who watch sport.  And it will be a long list of things that you really, really, really want to do.  Like cleaning gutters.  Or drilling holes. Or cleaning the pool. Or being an exterminator.  Of spiders.  And bats. And cockroaches. And all these things will take you away from the television.

Then there’s the reality of turning into your own father, albeit slowly.  Fortunately I have a Wife who reminds me of this fact every now and again.  So I can pull back on the ‘When-I-was-your-age-stories’.  Another benefit of becoming a Dad, besides acquiring the skill of changing a diaper without vomiting, is that there’s another day where you receive gifts which you undoubtedly paid for.  It’s called Father’s day. I have received so much arbitrary shit on this annual day, I can probably open a thrift shop. The best gifts are those ones I pick myself. (I’m kidding, I love your gifts.)

I just turned forty.  O-kay, I’ve actually been forty for two years now.  No-one really cares how far beyond you are from forty.  Teenagers look at you in a different way as soon as you reached the age of ‘old’. Forty is as bad as it sounds. If only for fact that you start making noises when you get up. Or sit down.  Even from a couch.  And I’m not even talking about the bowl movements which is a whole other blog.  Your hair changes colour overnight and you look like Gandalf the White returning from his fight with the Balrog.  Only with less beard.

I can’t grow a full beard.  When I attempt this manly feat, I end up looking like a refugee who underwent torture and got parts of the beard pulled out. I will never complain about my grey hair for at least I still have hair.  Which is kind of awesome and makes me look kind of sexy.  Not George Clooney sexy, more middle-aged, suburban Dad with teenagers sexy.  And I don’t think I have a head for baldness.  Some men do, me not so much.  I’ll look like a very long pole with a large piece of gum stuck on the end.  At least it means I’m not fat.

And being not-fat doesn’t just happen.  It’s much easier to be fat-and-forty than fit-and-forty.  Mainly because your metabolism took self-control and got married in Vegas, never to return. It takes damn hard work to look ‘not-fat’ because we are not even remotely attempting the alternative, which is ‘fit’.  My main motivation for doing what I’m doing would be that my salary is not big enough to replace my wardrobe with bigger size clothes. So I get up every weekday at the crack of dawn and go to the gym. I do this because I’m f-cking stupid.  It also helps to control the urge of smashing the faces of some of my esteemed colleagues with a snow-globe.  Or a conference table.

My attempt at fitness is also a counter balance for my consumption of red wine.  Which I love by the way.  Alcohol doesn’t compliment low body-fat percentage.  But I’m married so I don’t really have a desire to have veins that pop like rivers on Google Maps.  My consumption of wine is therefore another reason why I’ll never end up on a magazine cover.  Well that and the fact that I’m nobody.  But I’m gonna stick to the red wine story.  It builds my confidence to know that one day when I quit drinking wine, Men’s Health will phone me for their September issue.  A friend asked me the other day where do I keep my wine once I opened it.  My immediate reaction was “In the dustbin off course”.  An open  bottle of wine implies an empty one a few minutes later.  I was dumbstruck to learn that some people open a bottle and then… Only. Have. One. Glass.  The horror!  I didn’t sleep for a week.  See, I’m surrounded by crazy people!

I basically take daily lessons from Wife, the most amazing woman in the Universe and then some from those other two, namely Dude and Princess. Lessons on being a better dad, a better husband; basically a better human being.  Did I mention that I have great friends?  Not Facebook friends, real ones.  I like existing on this spinning blue ball.  And whilst alive I need to write,  or else I die.

What else is there?  Oh yes, I travel every now and again.

Welcome to my life.

*****

I also include a link of an interview I had with Mrs Vanilla in 2013 which gives a little extra information on who I am.

Then there’s this little interview with Dean in 2014, over at Mother’s Little Steps. If you’re interested.

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97 thoughts on “All about me

  1. Pingback: #AskAwayFriday- I’ve Cornered a Man!!! | Fascinations of a Vanilla Housewife

  2. You sound like a wonderful dad and husband. I’ll read with great pleasure the little stories you want your kids to read one day. Thanks for liking my post “Dianthus in my Garden.”

    Like

  3. So Pieter, you decided to join the small clan of Uncle Spike followers, sometimes known as The Spikey’s….

    I really appreciate you wanting to become a new follower, after all, there are many many interesting and entertaining blogs out there.

    Anyway, I hope you like my upcoming posts and if you get bored one day, maybe you’ll enjoy trawling through some of my older stuff too.I have added plenty of categories now to help readers. If you have any likes, dislikes or suggestions about my blog, by all means let me know, either through ‘comments’ or via email. Always welcome reader input 🙂

    Thanks again for your vote of confidence, and hope you have a great old day…

    UNCLE SPIKE
    uncle.spikes.adventures1@gmail.com

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  4. Hello Ah Dad! I’ve been following you for some time now and really enjoy reading your blog albeit silently. Anyway, I do this monthly feature where I interview mums and dads about parenthood etc… I was wondering if you’d be interested to be featured? Here’s a sample: http://motherslittlesteps.com/2014/04/01/april-chat-with-a-dad-ben-of-mutterings-of-a-fool/ If it’s a yes, please email me at deanbwordpressblogs@gmail.com. Was looking for a contact me page, couldn’t find one, unless I’ve missed it? Sorry for posting links!

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  5. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog and taking the time to actually LOOK at it and READ some of my ramblings! I appreciate your feedback! It’s not always easy to get honest criticism. My friends, although well meaning, don’t always tell me the truth in fear of hurting my feelings.
    I’ve had a little time to spend on your blog this morning and I must say, it’s wonderful! I look forward to reading more of your work.
    Thank you again and Happy Writing!
    Penny

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  6. I love your posts and I am awarding you the Lovely Blogger award. It’s an easy one and I hope you’ll take time to complete it. I’d really be interested in learning 7 new facts about you and I think the rest of the blogosphere would too! Info is on my Awards Page along with the award for you to copy and put on your own site.

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  7. Pingback: All about me | Ah dad...

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  9. hahaha…. this is the best bloody About page I have ever read in my short “blog life” and you know what? we have so much in common that I am ready to barf…. seriously..

    😀 I am so glad I started following you.. and an added fringe benefit, that ‘lazy me’ gets to read the About page last and still feels pleased as Punch…. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’m really flattered but maybe you should read more blogs 😉 Just kidding. I know I’m funny…Just kidding. Again… I’m such a joker…

      But on a serious note, it’s excellent to know there are other non-normal types like me who is roaming earth, trying to raise a family.

      Thanks for the following and all you great comments.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Your about page is intriguing! I have read some of your posts and they are such a great read. Am so glad I stumbled upon your blog -likely from Stomper Dad Eric. Actually one of the reasons I came to your about page was because some of the comments were in Dutch (of which I could only decipher half or less) and I was wondering if you are one. And aha! South African. Which kinda explains in a way! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks again Ann.

      Yes, my secret is out, I’m South African, blogging in my second language, but that’s probably pretty obvious…

      We speak Afrikaans as our mother tongue, which is sort of like kitchen Dutch I suppose.

      Thanks for the comments, I really appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

      • I’ve enjoyed reading your writing! My husband’s Dutch and he could understand the bits and pieces of Afrikaan, and has mentioned that some of the words translated literally can be quite funny. Like hijsbakkie – in Dutch it means a little hoisting bucket; amperbrukkie meaning almost no pants in Dutch. Heehehee..Just funny!

        Liked by 1 person

      • The Afrikaans word for elevator is hysbak…see what we did there?

        Two weeks ago I had a long and interesting discussion with a guy from Holland, and because he spoke a bit slower I could actually follow the conversation.

        Liked by 1 person

      • It’s such a funny language! To the untrained ears, they probably sound the same whether in Dutch or Afrikaans. Did he understand you, too? Both are difficult for me – I only speak a 3 YO Dutch; even they do it better than me!

        I know of a couple: one is Italian, the other in Spanish. They speak in their native language with each other, and still understand each other. Their kids speak 4 languages – Italian, Spanish, English and Thai! Lucky kids, I’d say! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • I wish I could speak another language.

        I studied Spanish for 6 months and gave up because it’s more difficult than Chemical process design, advanced thermodynamics and econometrics.

        Liked by 1 person

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  17. Hello and welcome aboard pensitivity101! Thank you so much for the follow. You sound a fun Dad.
    Hope there are things to amuse in my blog, feel free to comment, I love the interaction and sometimes comments give me inspiration! Have a terrific day.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. This is great! I have 2 teenage daughters and a 3 year old daughter. I think God gave the surprise baby so I would remember that the big girls were sweet and cute once, and so I wouldn’t send them to boarding school. And yes, there is wine and liquor in my house – for me, not them : ) Can’t wait to enjoy your adventures!

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Pingback: Get to Know Me Tag

  20. WOW – best bit of humor writing I’ve read since … I can’t even remember when! That was so fun to read! Came over via Grubbs ‘n’ Critters and can’t wait to read more of this blog!
    My husband has been to South Africa many times for work, and it sounds so lovely. We’ve consumed many a bottle of wine – he takes back the max he can get through customs! You’re lucky to live there!

    Liked by 1 person

  21. You sound like an interesting blogger. Good job on your description. I have many kids myself. I can tell you that more than three means you have to lie to stay in hotel rooms. We have triplets that are boy boy girl and a sister 7 years older. The boys used to be just one boy instead of two. When I was honest about my family of 6, we were required to get two rooms even when they were little. So, two kids is definitely easier in some ways. Oh, especially when they’re three 20 year olds off in college at the same time. Oh the raise we will have when they are on their own someday.

    Liked by 1 person

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