The Olympics made me do it

Men love sport almost as much as we love doing nothing.  (Most males reading this has just given me a mental high five.) Rather just buy me a beer.  I’m cheap and easy. The “others” may be confused about the little contradiction at the start. Let me run another lap around the issue…

Men love WATCHING sport almost as much as we love doing nothing, only for the mere fact that doing nothing becomes a bit tedious after a while. Besides my kids don’t think I’m cool when I lie on the coach for a whole day.  Who am I kidding, it’s not the lying on the coach thing that makes me uncool. It’s my tomato and mustard stained t-shirt that barely covers my protruding, hairy belly, that makes me look uncool.

Now try and shake that image from your mind, why don’t you?

Anyhow cool or not…why risk injury?  I’m not a frigging teenager.  Gymnasts and weightlifters break arms and legs every day.  It’s a goddamn war-zone out there!  Or maybe it was just Karma telling them that men should not wear tights in public.  Even if it’s at the games.

Aaaahhh the Games.  Let’s show some respect shall we, it’s called the OLYMPIC Games for good reason.  Sit up straight and pay attention, or you may end being bolted by Zeus. One cannot simply refer to this wondrous celebration of sport as the games!  It’s nations that came together, allowing their best athletes to compete, albeit very aggressively, for the honour of wearing a huge gold coin around their neck. Annihilating anyone who tries and stand between them and the top spot of the podium. Like this seriously freaky dude…

300_michael_phelps_nbc_080916

I found this using the search term “hate-face”

And he’s now the latest reason why I don’t sleep at night.  Poor Chad didn’t stand a chance…

Something weird happened to everyone I know during the OLYMPIC Games.  Besides the fact that a few swimmers were vandalizing public restrooms, the OLYMPICS caused other mortal men and women to stay glued to their television sets, watching events we normally would consider to be an utter waste of time.

Like judo.  Or fencing.  Or synchronized diving.  Or a flat-chested girl jumping around with a hoola-hoop. And the list doesn’t stop there.  All of us we’re stuck in a catatonic state, cheering for people we’ve never heard of, simply because their country hadn’t won a medal yet.  What’s even worse is that we would discuss the thrilling ping-pong final the next day! It’s pucking ping-pong people!

Most of us didn’t even understand what we were watching.  What makes one gymnast receive a better score than the next one, if both of them managed to stay on the beam for the full set?  Or what makes one synchronized swimming team beat another one, when neither team lost a member drowning?  Or die from sheer embarrassment.

Maybe the OLYMPIC flame casts a spell on humanity for the duration of the event.

Whatever the reason, it’s all done.  All the politics, money, planning, scandals, controversy, records, medals, disappointments, achievements and having to watch Michael Phelps act like a dick, all of it is part of history now.

I’ve snapped out of it. I got off the coach and changed my t-shirt.  I also went back to work as my doctor didn’t want to supply me with another sick note.  Normal programming has returned to my brain.  I’m back wondering why people cheer for humans during an Equestrian dressage competition, when the poor horse is the one who actually deserves the medal. The rider’s only job is to not fall off.

Just saying.

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12 thoughts on “The Olympics made me do it

  1. If you moved to the US you could stop watching because they tape delay everything so it can be shown in prime time…hours after the events are done and the internet told me the results.
    Side sports note: Is anyone going to beat NZ this year in a rugby match? Australia’s team looked like Sydney Boy’s 13 and under Club.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Nice…thanks for bringing rugby to the conversation. What kind of sadist are you?

      And just to answer your question…no one.
      Our team looked like the second girls hockey team from our local high school, against the Puma this past weekend…I’m still hurting…or is that hurling?

      Liked by 1 person

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