I got back from Brazil last week and assumed things would be exactly like I left it two days earlier. So much for me making assumptions. Things can change dramatically in a very short space of time.
I arrived to an empty house.
Like the story of the little boy who was sent to buy a loaf of bread and how he spend hours finding the perfect bakery to buy the freshest and biggest and most special loaf for his parents. Only to return to an empty house as they left town never to be seen again…
Don’t worry, my Wife didn’t take the kids and ran. She doesn’t want to see me happy. She had some kind of hair/nail/cake eating appointment which we all know is much more important than meeting her husband at the door. What was more worrisome was the fact that my kids were not there. It was a school holiday and not seeing any kid in front of the Playstation or the television set was a bit disconcerting.
Upon inquiry from my loving Wife I learned that the two of them went for a walk. And that was when my mild concern turned into full blown panic.
I have two teenagers. They normally complain about strenuous exercise when they have to get up and pee during a commercial break. I reckon they would both settle for feeding tubes and catheters during the holiday, if it would limit the need for movement. And now I discover that they’re walking around the neighborhood voluntarily? The two of them together? Without trying to kill each other? Working as a team? A brother. And a sister.
Do you blame me for thinking something was wrong?
My first thought was that their bodies were taken over by some alien race. Then I thought it might be that our plane crossed some kind of dimensional porthole on route back over the Atlantic Ocean, as it was quite bumpy. Maybe I just lost my marbles over the Bermuda triangle. Or suffered severe jet-lag.
In the end the mystery turned out to be nothing sinister.
My kids were hunting Pokemon.
(Even though writing that sentence is anything but sinister.)
Pokemon Go arrived with a big bang in our household and I’m a nervous wreck wondering what happened to the teenagers that I used to know. Here’s why my life has turned into an episode of the twilight zone.
- My kids are leaving the house voluntarily to get exercise.
- My kids come running like pets every time they hear the rattling of keys, hoping we’re driving somewhere. And they WANT to come with.
- When they’re in the car, I get weird requests like “Please drive past the post office because I’ve ran out of balls”.
- I get sudden instructions to slow down at random spots on route to school because “this is a popular place for them to spawn”.
- My kids also get a little too excited about catching things only they can see. I thought imaginary friends are more common among toddlers?
- I suffer from a very slight anxiety disorder because my kids have given me several heart attacks by shouting that a Pikachu or a Tongue-flipper or a But-kisser or a Mtuyaabndr is sitting in my close proximity.
So if you suddenly see teenagers roaming the street. Or if you see kids jumping up and down and screaming that they’ve caught one. Or if you see people driving at the speed of a dying snail when there is no traffic. Or if you see the driver in front of you stopping dead for no apparent reason. Don’t be concerned.
It’s not the Purge, or an alien invasion or a mob of teenagers wanting to overthrow the government.
They’re all just hunting Pokemon.