When showing respect becomes disrespectful

/ Ahdad

There are many different ways in which society shows respect towards the elderly. I’m not referring to hiding dentures or changing the year on their calendar.  Even though it was hilarious.  I’m talking about gestures of respect that are unique to specific cultures.

Down here in Africa, Afrikaans people have been taught to address the elderly with “Oom” (male form) or “Tannie” (female form).  It’s roughly translated into “Uncle” and “Aunt”.  But it’s not only used for drunk relatives you want avoid at a family reunion. It’s also used when addressing a geriatric.

And that’s a very disrespectful, shitty gesture.

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When hearing loss is not the only problem

It was a Wednesday morning.  Most people were still smelling their partner’s farts under a duvet.  He was up and ready.  His playlist consisted of eighties rock tunes.  His t-shirt proudly displayed his best intentions:  Train. Eat. Sleep. Repeat. He was there for one purpose and one purpose only, to annihilate his workout.  To kill kilojoules. And therefore we will call him ‘The Destroyer’.

He said “Hi” to a couple on the way to the row of benches. He tends to avoid most people because his personality doesn’t function properly that early in the day.  Two guys were using the bench next to the one he was eyeing.

They were first timers but no strangers to weight training. One had a beard that would make Thor envious. The other wore a t-shirt three sizes too small. The Destroyer decided to act civil and asked if he can take occupation of the bench next to the one they were using.  Young Gandalf had an open face and smiled a perfect smile; before he replied:

“Ja seker Oom, ons gebruik hom nie.  Oom kan hom vat.”

Google translated this reply as:

'Yes Uncle, we do not use him . Uncle can take him . "

(And don’t worry, they weren’t using anyone, they simply referred to the bench. It’s not that kind of a gym. Evidently Google Translate doesn’t give a shit about pronouns.)

Gandalf, the Immature Asshole, had the audacity to call me the Destroyer old.  Not once, but twice.  The Destroyer glared at them in shock.  He was dumbstruck and couldn’t think of a reply. He did the mature thing, dropped his bag with a loud ‘thud’ and stormed off to the weight rack.

How old does these idiots think I am? he is?

A disheartened, shocked Destroyer looked at the display of weights and couldn’t decide which one to use in breaking the perfect jaw of the-idiot-who-doesn’t-know-any-better.  He settled on one of the lighter weights as he didn’t want to hurt himself, and was ready to wipe the beard right of the smug, young face.  The Destroyer, who looks nothing like other men of the same age, returned to his bench.  The Chris-Evans-wannabe  showed pearly whites again. The Destroyer told him to “f*ck off.”

(No he didn’t. Relax. Even though he really wanted too.)

You know that scene from Pretty Woman where Vivian gets solicited by the lawyer after he found out she was actually a prostitute?  And remember how uncomfortable and upset she was because she wasn’t mentally prepared for the confrontation in that specific surrounding?  Well, that is exactly how The Destroyer felt.

Around his kids and their friends he expects to be called out for being older.  It comes with the territory.  He demands their respect with his tall, masculine, age-defying, strong build and grey-ish hair.

BUT

He certainly didn’t expect a young, wrinkle-less version of Santa Clause to call him out for being old.  Especially considering it happened in a place where he was actively trying to fight the signs of aging.

But in the end he is just a man.  Albeit an older one.  He did what any other man would do, in order to save him some dignity.  It seemed like a logical decision at the time. He wanted to show Beard-what’s-his-face and his Freak-friend that he wasn’t as old as they thought he was.  He went heavier on the weights.  Well, heavier than he normally would.

The problem with his “logical thinking” was that the over-excursion of last week is still the root cause of him battling to walk today.  Due to the fact that he still cannot lift his arms, he’s been chewing gum for the last week and the five day stubble makes him look like a refugee.

The irony is that if those two inconsiderate bastards saw him now, they would probably guess him to be twenty years older than the last time they saw him.  And being the good-natured, decent, young people they were, they would have offered to help me him down the stairs of the gym.

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It’s not because I’m old, it’s because other people are inconsiderate bastards

The Destroyer, who doesn’t feel like a destroyer at all, tried to relay his emotional distress to his Wife.  The love of his life, his soulmate, his biggest supporter, the mother of his children… And she laughed hysterically!

I think the only words she could muster was:

“My love…but you are old.”

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38 thoughts on “When showing respect becomes disrespectful”

  1. Oh boy! I couldn’t stop laughing from “but in the end, he is just a man…” Saw rest of macho show-off thingies coming! Ahh..Funny story, oom. 😜

    I know what you mean with the “auntie” and “uncle” thing. We do it a lot in Asia – pretty much the same concept you hv there. It’s ok with family but strangers…who the eff u’re calling auntie?! I get that too and I’m still only 22! 😅

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  2. If it wasn’t for being around young people I don’t know that I would notice ageing as much as I do. I would just think, “My shoulder hurts,” instead of, “My shoulder is probably never going to be better because I am old and it is only going to get worse.” Those days of quick recovery and injury free exercise are long ago. At least you are persistant…my exercise is limited to mowing the yard.

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  3. b’ye is our thing over here. Slangish for “boy” and it’s said to everyone, especially with the words “how’s she goin'” said before it. It’s said to boys, girls, men, women, trans… I think it’s already on a t-shirt. You should make your own shirt to wear to the gym. Sleeveless and it says “F*ck off. I’m not your Oom.”

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  5. “And that’s a very disrespectful, shitty gesture.” Amen! And Amen again! I get that from car guards at the shopping centre who look 20 years older than this Tannie, from the garden services supervisor who will die of old age very shortly, …. When I confront them, I am told this is a sign of respect. So now I retaliate by calling them Boetie (little brother) and Sussie (little sister) as a sign of no respect.

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  6. Let me quickly join your wife in laughing… okay… almost over… now. Just see yourself as this beautifully painted canvas… and then look at the other men and realize they’re empty canvases… bland… right? Nothing more to say… (oops, that almost sounds like I’m into old men… didn’t mean it that way… no really… seriously… stop it…)

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  9. lol! Brillant! Sometime we really do forget what age we are at. I don’t feel any difference to when I am young – but my body lacks the physique that it desire ie – going to the gym or just running across the park. Then I look at my kids – gosh I’m old! lol! Thank you so much for linking up with us yet another brillant post on #FabFridayPost

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