And that’s an unfathomable lie. I hate winter more than I hate Kanye West.
Down here temperatures are dropping like Kim Kardashian’s clothes on Instagram. Trees are losing leaves faster than Taylor Swift loses boyfriends. Grass is turning brown like caucasian bodybuilders before a competition. And all that’s left are cold, depressing days where my biggest challenge would be not to start chewing on my own wrists.
I’m a positive person when I’m not at work. Or busy. I’m the type of guy who prefers to look at the bright side of life, or is that the lighter side of life? I like to think of the wine glass as being half full. With a nice Merlot. Or a smooth Pinotage. Or maybe a Shiraz. Or no wait, make that a full bodied Cabernet. I’m not fussy, just pour the damn wine.
It took me almost three weeks, nine hours and thirteen minutes
of drinking, but I finally came up with a list of ten things I like about this dreadful season:
- Winter implies it’s almost time for Spring.
- I can eat a million oranges if I want to because they’re everywhere.
- I can use the fireplace for its intended purpose because man loves fire.
- I have an acceptable excuse for events because it’s frigging freezing.
- I don’t have to do any household chorus because it gets dark too quickly.
- I can sleep in on Saturdays because everyone knows gravity is stronger in winter.
- I don’t have to be friendly at the gym because everyone else is also miserable.
- I can binge watch Game of Thrones because everyone else goes to bed early.
- I don’t have to suck in my stomach because I wear jackets all the time.
- I can stuff my face with anything I want because I’m “bulking” for Spring.
And these are the reaso… Who’m I kidding…winter still sucks…It’s cold, it’s bleak, it’s grey and I hate it.
Now where’s that wine?