We have a Chinese water torture device in our bedroom

It’s actually a lot less dramatic than it sounds but it got you reading didn’t it?

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If this doesn’t stop, grown men might cry.

We have a leak in our roof but it only bothers me when it’s raining.  And it hasn’t rained for ages down here.  After many prayers by a million+ people the heavens opened.  Every night this week.  I’m not complaining, it’s a blessing for everyone. Farmers, flowers, water reservoirs, amphibians, grass, fishermen, mosquitoes; everyone except those of us who have a leak in their roof they didn’t know about before.

It’s highly annoying, the sound of dripping water.

rat…tat…tat……rat…tat…tat……rat…tat…tat…….rat…tat…tat…

I now have a full appreciation as to how a person can be driven insane when water is slowly dripped onto his forehead.  It’s odd how an insignificant, monotonous sound that occurs over and over and over and over, would wake a person like me, who has been described as one of the living dead when I sleep.  And not only wake me, but force me to drop a mother of an f-bomb in the early hours of the morning.

It got so bad that I eventually decided to get up at 01h24 to do something about it.  If you must know, the sun doesn’t shine that early.  It’s not Alaska.  To put this act of mine in context; I don’t even get out of bed to pee.  I have trained my bladder to handle the discomfort until my alarm disturbs my beauty sleep at 04h30 when I have to hit the gym.  And then pee off course.  Like a racehorse.  Sleep is a crucial part of my daily existence.

Saying I got out of bed to “do something about it” shouldn’t be misconstrued with anything like me getting on the roof with sealant or some other weird kind of waterproofing equipment.  I am in NO way related to Bob the Builder or Mr Fix-It.  I’m what one would call DIY-deprived or handyman-challenged.   I basically got a towel and placed it on the floor, directly under the leak, thinking it would drown out the noise.  Good idea, bad idea, I couldn’t care less because it was too early for my brain to work properly.  And it worked.  For about seven seconds.  I had barely enough time to jump back in bed, when I had to endure the tip…tip….tip all over again.

I sighed like the most depressed man in human history and dropped a few more f-bombs.  This woke the wife.  Maybe it wasn’t just me.  The sound of the dripping water has now reached supersonic levels.  I could actually hear dogs barking all the way down our street. Now my Wife is an intelligent woman, so it didn’t take her long to figure out our little predicament.  A predicament that was only mine mere seconds before.  But as a happily married couple we love to share everything, for better or worse, in sickness and in health, whether the sun shines or the rain is pissing through our bedroom ceiling.

Wife got up and did something to the towel that I placed on the floor.  I don’t know what she did but whatever it was, the noise stopped.  I always knew she was some kind of superhuman, I just never considered her to have the ability to kill sound.  The physics must be mind-boggling.  Come to think of it, she’s actually displayed this talent before, albeit many years ago, at a time when our kids were still crying like banshees on crack.

Let's hope she hasn't joined the dark side

Let’s hope she doesn’t joined the dark side

Oh and then there has been a few times when she used her Jedi-mind-power on herself as well.  (It normally happens when I get home a bit later than anticipated , after an evening with the boys.)

But I’m not here to talk about me, let’s try and remain focused, shall we?

She got back in bed, and gave me the smile of a slightly annoyed female and I knew a fairy died in that moment.  Whatever.  She brought balance back to the force and the only audible sound was the soft rain falling from the sky.  So f*ck that fairy!  Then, believe it or not, the rain also cleared up four minutes later and the room was completely silent.  I told you she was good.  I must confess, I was a little intimidated.

Which is probably the reason why I couldn’t go back to sleep right away.  Fortunately for me, I could lie on my back and watch the ceiling fan casting shadows in the room as it spun around and around and around and… For another forty-seven minutes.

My lack of sleep has provided me with a cranky disposition and I’m rather surprised I haven’t killed anyone yet.  Oh wait, I did.  I killed my workout this morning…

I need a life.

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9 thoughts on “We have a Chinese water torture device in our bedroom

  1. Pingback: It’s getting hot in here | Ah dad…

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