This much I know… I am forty-one years young.  I have an amazing wife.  I am a semi-successful father of two teenagers, Dude and Princess.  And I have traveled to 34 countries over the course of nine years.

Moral of the story?  I’ve seen some shit. Or two.  Maybe even heaps.

In most of the countries I visit, one will find a stall/shop/vendor who sells T-shirts.  A genius who copied the clever idea of putting catchy phrases on cheap Chinese manufactured shirts and selling them at the price of a small car.  And we buy it and we wear it with pride, for nothing is as funny as a funny t-shirt.  I’ve had my share of waiting for stuff to happen and in those voids of nothing happening I’ve come up with a few slogans that might work on a shirt.  Things I want people to know without having to say it to their face.  Because sometimes I just want to be left alone.  Besides I have a million things to share.

Forgive my feeble attempt at humor, these slogans were born after countless lonely hours on an airport.  The birth normally takes place once the phone and laptop batteries have died and I sit and watch the crazy unfold around me.  Here goes:

A few others will include…(I didn’t have the patience for more Photoshopping.  Even though it’s obvious how good I am at it.)

• I’m living proof that geeks get the best chicks.
• Do I look friendly to you? Then f#ck off.
• I am a white South African.  Deal with it.
• South Africa is a country, not a region.
• She’s my Wife.  I’m as surprised as you are.
• Water is good. Wine is better.
• Rhino horn is NOT as effective as Viagra.
• Stop insulting turtles by saying our president looks like one.
• When I’m wearing headphones, I expect you to shut up.

After careful consideration…I’ll be taking orders.