I was the only one

The Wife and I are blessed with a pigeon pair.  A boy and a girl.  This presents an opportunity to experience the full range of hormones and mood swings that exist in teenagers of both genders.  It’s not as pleasant as it sounds.  We have front row seats to observe how men develop and eventually tuck their balls into a gym bag and migrate to Mars, whilst women on the other hand, reach maturity, take their broomsticks and fly to Venus.  Seeing our two develop into little adults provides me with a profound understanding on what’s happening in the mind of the Wife.  And visa versa.  Which is much easier for her, as we all know there’s not that much happening in the mind of man. Other than the obvious sex, sports, friends and beer.

It’s no secret that this difference between men and women transcends all aspects of life, especially movies.  A few weeks ago me and a few of my mates took our kids to go see Avengers: Age of Ultron because that is what good fathers do.  Some might say taking our kids was an excuse to watch the movie ourselves, but we are adult men and don’t need excuses.  The movie was mind-blowingly good and we all had a major geek-gasm, in 3D which lasted for a while after the end-credits rolled.  The boys couldn’t stopped talking about the movie to the extend that the kids got annoyed as we didn’t give them a chance to speak.  Princess preferred to watch Hulk and Iron man fight in the streets of Johannesburg to the beautiful-girl-who-falls-in-love-with-the-cowboy-without-a-shirt movie that the wives opted for.  I’m so proud of her.

Which is why I suggested that the family go and see Pitch Perfect 2 this past weekend.  Instead of thanking me with hugs and coffee, Princess phoned (sorry teenagers don’t phone), she texted all her friends, informing them of the time and date of my proposed-family-fun-event-that-turned-into-a-girls-pajama-without-the-pajamas-party.  With chaperones and everything, being the Wife and I.  Within minutes of sending the message, her phone started going off like a cheap alarm clock with all the confirming replies for this planned extravaganza.  Dude didn’t even flinch when he refused our invitation to join.

The REAL cast of Pitch Perfect 2, including the non-credited ones.

The REAL cast of Pitch Perfect 2, including the non-credited ones.

Later that afternoon we arrived just in time to see countless, happy, relieved parents dumping their brats adorable daughters in our presumed, good hands.  One by one.  The little group of girls grew and grew and grew to the point where I was wondering if there were any girls left in town who was not attending the screening of acapella.  Then there was the inevitable queue for popcorn which I avoided knowing enough about women and the speed at which they make up their minds when it comes too food.  It took forever, as expected, and then they needed to take selfies with the poster.  And then they needed to go to the loo. And then they needed more salt on their popcorn.  And then they needed to…I actually don’t know, but I was waiting for a very long them before everyone was in the cinema.  I was 41 when I started to wait for all of them, and 53 by the time the last one sat down.

Sitting in the darkness of the cinema, I suddenly realised a very scary thing… I was the only one there.  Not just the only dad, I was the only male!!  How did this happen?  I felt a bit intimidated, maybe even a little afraid, totally out of my comfort zone amongst the citizens of Venus, about to watch a movie celebrating the power of other citizens from the same place.  Shit.  I didn’t know what to expect when there are so many females around.  Would there be chanting?  Would there be a sacrifice? I did what any self respecting male would do in such a situation, I hooked my arm underneath the Wife’s and ate my popcorn in absolute silence.  My plan was to become the invisible man. Can you blame me?

Truth be told, I love music and I love Anna Kendrick because she’s just frigging hilarious. (Just check out her twitter account) There was a high probability that I might actually enjoy the movie.  I sat in my self-assigned, silence anticipation when the opening song forced all the woman in the cinema to shut up.  It was surprisingly effective and I was witness to a miracle.  Countless females who stopped talking in a second. Wow.  I must admit I smiled right to the end of the movie and even cracked a laugh every now and again. Obviously not a loud one, I wouldn’t want to offend THEM in case they still required that sacrifice…

I’m not ashamed to say that Pitch Perfect 2 was very entertaining in a predictable, glittery, Acapella-ish, girly sort of way.  I can say this for I’m perfectly comfortable with my own sexual identity and the Wife agrees.  I asked her.  So I’m still the man.

There are two great things about having an opportunity to chaperone for your teenage daughter and her friends, well actually three, if you count the fact that she wants you around in the first place. (1) It remains the greatest sound on earth to hear your children laugh, no matter what the reason for the burst of joy might be and (2) I have earned enough browning points that I’m sure to win Father of the month, at least up to August 2015.

High five anyone?

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18 thoughts on “I was the only one

  1. It was AcaGreat! Yes I’m a woman but I went with two other grown women and we were definitely the oldest ones there that were not chaperoning but there out of their own free will. I felt a little self conscious and silly but when the movie started, I laughed. I laughed a lot. I’ve noticed that when I can get away without the kids I tend to find things funnier than I used to. A parent’s brain just needs some mindless entertainment once in a while I guess.

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  2. Pingback: It seems I am my own worst nightmare | Ah dad...

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