The Dude and I have this “thing”. (Just to be clear, Dude is my son so this post will be a heterosexual point of view.)
Our “thing” is that we like to brag with new music/songs. Both of us stream music from http://www.deezer.com so we have access to a gazillion songs we can share with one another. It has to be said that we approach what one would consider “good” music very differently, as per requirement of our generation gap. The high-five moment arrives when the other person likes the proposed song.
I get my new music from weekly visits to Billboard and the UK pop charts. Dude gets it from somewhere else and he prefers anything with a headache inducing beat. Fortunately for the elder of the relationship, I trump him most of the time. I like to be cool. Or hot. Or with it. Or hip. Or rockin’. Or banging. Or obsessive. Or bored. Or whatever term one would use for keeping up with recent developments in the music industry.
Which brings me to my point. Britney Spears, whom I love, dropped her latest single this week, featuring Iggy Azalea. I probably need to add a Wikipedia page or two at this point, but knowing who they are will not influence your understanding of the post. Relax.
First let me say this: It’s not one of her best efforts. I’m not sure if any of her songs would stand the test of time when it comes to lyrical inspiration. She doesn’t create timeless music, she’s a pop princess, whom I consider the Queen of “The Hook”. The hook is the part of a song that turns into an earworm. “Pretty Girls” is becoming one of those inevitable earworms. I can’t get it out of my head, which should not be confused with the Kylie Minogue song of the same name, which by the way, is also an earworm…
On the way to school, Dad was happily singing along to Pretty Girls when Dude casually observed:
“Dad, you realise it’s one of those songs that men cannot sing along with in public, it should only be sung in the shower.”
The kid is right! I continued singing as proof that I’m quite comfortable with my own masculinity but it got me thinking. Men do it every now and then. Which other songs do I karaoke-fy that might be considered songs that straight-men-can-only-sing-in-the-shower? I reached a list of ten very quickly and stopped counting.
- Pretty Girls (Britney Spears feat Iggy Azalea) – Everything is still honkey-dory until you hit the chorus. No man can sing the words I’m pretty with a “straight” face.
- It’s raining men (The Weather Girls) – There is no way that a straight man can get excited about the fact that naked men will be falling from the sky. I know they’re going to be naked for I’ve seen Terminator.
- All about that bass (Megan Taynor) – Unless you’re a Sumo-Wrestler, no man should celebrate having a big arse. Even if a Dad-bod is the hottest trend amongst woman in the USA.
- Call me maybe (Carly Ray Jepsen) – This is a border line choice as it can actually go either way (no pun intended), it just depends on how desperate the man would be for the chick to phone him back.
- Me and my girls (Fifth Harmony) – The only time a performance of this song outside of a shower would be allowed is if you’re a male stripper and you sing along whilst
shakingdoing your thing at a Bachelorette party. Woman will appreciate the fact that you are able to multi-task.
- Let it go (Anyone) – Singing along to this song would be enough proof that you LOVED the movie and therefore memorised a song that WAS popular with girls under the age of eleven.
- Single ladies (Beyoncé) – Guys, if this song reflect your life story then go ahead and kick yourself. Numerous times. Just put a ring on it already!You may sing along if you have nailed the dance routine. Oh wait, NO. Just no.
- Bitch (Meredith Brooks) – There are two reasons why this is a no-go song. Men don’t get PMS and the word used in the title of the song doesn’t normally refer to men. Unless off course said man is someone’s bitch.
- I will survive (Gloria Gaynor) – This song is the ultimate gay-pride anthem as far as my knowledge of this particular subject goes. The song has been performed by a million drag queens with fruit stacked on their heads. What’s up with that?
- Girls just wanna have fun (Cindy Laupher) – We don’t need this one as men have their own arsenal of party songs. Everyone knows how easy it is for a guy to have fun…give him the remote and quick access to the fridge. Mates will make it better.
Oh yes, before I go, the list should also include anything from The Village People which is both obvious and self-explanatory. Even though this is a bit of a conundrum. For is there any man alive who has NOT signalled their way through Y-M-C-A at a wedding?