Dear Zayn, how the hell do I tell Princess?

And then there were four.

Here's hoping I picked the right Zayn...

Here’s hoping I picked the right Zayn…

It’s all over the Internet.  At this moment the jury is still out whether the fact that Zayn Malik left One Direction would be bigger than the colour-of-the-dress debacle.  Or those annoying cat gifs.  Browsing Twitter, one thing is apparent, the fans are not handling it very well.  We have to understand that there’s a heap of heartbroken girls (and a few boys) crushed by the news.   It’s gonna take a lot of tears to get through this, but I’m sure most of them will survive.  It’s not like he died or anything. Or did he?

Reading this, you might be wondering: Why on earth would Ah Dad… react on the news?

Well, I bought tickets to see them live, technically a friend bought the tickets, and the whole family is going to the concert.  Am I a fan? Fuck no!  But before you laugh or judge or do both, here are the reasons for this dad spending a small fortune to attend a live performance of the band.  It was an act of love, done in a moment of temporary insanity.  And Princess has been counting the days.

I am demanding some kind of refund on those tickets, at least  20%.  And I can use that discount to pay for the inevitable counselling.  The woman in my life cannot handle disappointment very well.  I’m just glad he went back to England.

When the news broke that Zayn went home, follow-up reports were very quick to confirm he will be returning for the South African leg of the tour.  People here are violent.  A lot of parents breathed a massive sigh of relief.  And now this? OMG.

Zayn is out of the band.  He has left the building.  He eloped, because he just wants to be a normal boy…  Like Pinocchio.  And like the wooden doll, Zayn has one little problem in achieving that dream of his.  He’s f*cking famous!  Everyone knows him, and if they didn’t know him, they do now!  You can’t just switch from being Zayn and the hair to the random guy who left One Direction, overnight.  The paparazzi will hunt him down like some trophy animal.  They’re probably already camping in front of his house, waiting for the first pic of post-1D-Zayn.

We should give him some space.  Being famous can be very stressful on a person.  I should now, I have read a tabloid or two in a waiting room.  Rock-stars have hard lives.  Not only do they have to contend with swarms of screaming teenage girls who follow them everywhere, there is the worry of earning gazillions dollars and not being able to spend any of it, as most of the things they eat, wear and drive around in, are sponsored.  They can let their hair grow, get a few tattoo’s and look ridiculous in skinny jeans.  That’s about it.  Add to that the sordid lifestyle of having to stay in 5-star hotels in some of the most exotic places in the world, being adored by billions and having your picture in every single magazine, then one might understand how tough it is on these poor sods who make too much money for what they do.

Boo-hoo.

The guy is hoping that the Blue Fairy will grant him his wish of a normal life, which sounds all grand and noble and great and shit.  But in the mean time, we the parents, we are the ones who forked out the cash to see FIVE boys.  And now there’s only FOUR.  We are the ones who has to pick up the pieces of disappointment, the ones who has to manage the desolation of despair lingering in the hearts of our daughters.  You have ruined my evening, which would have been a quiet one.

Tell me Zayn, did you even for one second consider the parents? No you didn’t.

Maybe you did us all a favour.  Maybe now she’ll move on and appreciate some decent music for a change.  I will be sending you the bill of her recovery, in the mean time enjoy the privacy that you’re not going to have.

PS – Don’t worry, I’ll be gentle when I break the news.

Next day feedback – Princess heard the news and wasn’t fazed by it, she likes Harry more.  Who the f is Harry?

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