Arrogant much? Not at all, but it does prove my point. Or my first tip of many: Use a catchy title.
It’s the most important component of a perfect post. A few words that has the potential of making a reader go “Oh my, this looks absolutely fabulous. If I don’t read this, well darlings, I think my head will explode.” Effectively turning them into a very camp follower. Other reactions may include “WTF? Is this guy crazy or what?”, “No shit, this can’t be true!” or the more sophisticated reader might think “This individual has really put in a lot of effort in establishing a title that would capture my attention. Let me read it.”
My second tip relates to the opening paragraph, and this is also a very important component of a perfect post. This paragraph should be a continuation of what you’ve achieved in the title. If the reader bothered to click the link, you, as the writer, cannot disappoint. The bait is out there and you need to hook them with carefully crafted sentences. It needs to engage the reader to the extend that he doesn’t fall asleep, or like some people do, just scroll through the post to see if there is a funny gif. Don’t bother, I didn’t include one.
If you’re still reading this, I’ve had success with my second tip.
Once the reader has passed that crucial opening paragraph, you need to reel them in with my third tip: Great content. And this is definitely the most important part of a perfect post. You’ve got their attention, so to use an analogy… You bought the drink and you had the chance to spike it. Now it’s all up to you. (Sorry, maybe the Bill Cosby reference was a little inappropriate…) Bottom line, don’t slack off on your writing. A follower needs to be treated with the utmost respect and that implies…
Don’t write like EL James.
Remember, leaving your blog is just a click away. No pressure. Don’t labour an issue, people are not stupid. They catch on quickly, unless your post is about quantum physics or why red wine is bad for you. You’re not writing a novel or an article in a science journal. Unless your blog is, in fact a science journal. In that case go ahead, labour away. Some odd people looovvvee inorganic chemistry.
For those who are still with me, I have a little surprise….There is a gif after all.
But wait there’s more. I’m sharing a few secrets, which I believe will enhance your writing experience and make it more entertaining for the reader. Like a boob job for your blog.
Don’t hide away from giving your posts a personal touch, which is different from a touch in person, which is strictly prohibited, courtesy of my restraining order. Make the reader feel like you’ve written the post for him/her. You can add a link that will force people like Snoozing on the Sofa, Naptimethoughts and South of the Strait to look for it and read up to this point. By the way, check them out if you haven’t yet. See what I did there? The risk in doing this is that the people might click the links to their awesomeness and then forget to come back.
Oh you’re back. I’ve been sitting here forever. I’m NOT going to sulk. At least you bothered to return. Like spicy food or too much alcohol. You didn’t leave me high and dry, which brings me to my next point that has nothing to do with being high or dry.
Post a picture. But remember it’s not just about googling images and copy and paste. You need to take cognisance of copyright laws and give credit to whomever took the original picture. Like I never do. And when you want to play it safe and use your own picture, I suggest you refrain from nudity, unless you look like Ryan Reynolds or Jennifer Aniston. (Ryan is for the ladies and that camp follower.) Furthermore it is important to select a picture that has some relevance to the content of the post you’re using it in.
If you can, then you might consider adding a sprinkle of humour. Not too much, people certainly don’t like a smart ass. And besides, if you were as funny as you think you are, then you would have been a stand-up comedian. And you’re not, so remember: “Not everything you say is funny to everyone.” Unless off course the reader is high…
Then there is the contentious issue of using proper grammar. One needs to ensure that the preferred language of your intended audience is used in the correct way. One should always respect the laws of proper grammar, thereby creating the impression that you know what you are doing and prevent other people from thinking you’re a doofus. Obvious speling mistakes can realy ruin an great blog post. It screams slacker! so be careful.
And my final tip, use a relevant topic. Something that will get people excited. Something that will break the Internet. Life changing issues like the real colour of a blue and gold dress.
A perfect post is basically one that is not full of shit, unless you’re a blogging proctologist, which gives you an excuse. If you don’t have a story to tell, or you don’t have an opinion about current events, or you don’t watch movies or read books, or cook, or write poetry, or have a photo the world needs to see and you only end up with a random topic you ramble about because you love to write, then my advise is… Post it.
After all, what the f*ck do I know about blogging? (Oops f-bomb!)