How to save a penny and lose your dignity. At the same time.

A common New Year’s resolution would be to save a buck here and there and then use those savings to buy property on Mars or a Jet plane. Or maybe not.  The point is I needed an opening sentence.

Now that I have your attention I can gladly share my latest discovery on how to save money.  Here are 21 tips that will change your life!  You might save a penny or more likely, leave you puking in a bucket.  Unfortunately this is not a review or a tutorial as I haven’t tried any of them. Yet.

  1. Share the same mouthwash and dental floss as your partner.  Mouthwash can be recycled by rinsing your mouth into a cup. Or French kissing.
  2. Heat your food in the dishwasher, it reaches high temperatures doesn’t it?  Just remember to seal it properly, otherwise your meal might taste a bit soapy.
  3. Use an old hubcap and some tin foil as a pan/serving dish/plate.  Recycle the tin foil.
  4. Do your gardening at night when power is cheaper. Wear a bullet proof vest.
  5. Switch of the TV during commercials.  They just entice you to spend money.
  6. Re-dry your tissues. It’s your own snot anyway.
  7. Borrow better furniture from your neighbour when you have an open house, provided you don’t live in a trailer park.
  8. Take balloons from old window displays and re-use them for your kid’s birthday party.
  9. Use animal fat to increase the volume of ground beef.  Because animal fat is not disgusting at all.
  10. Peel bananas before you weigh them.  You shouldn’t be eating the peels.
  11. Keep a record of how many times you flush the toilet and try to reduce that daily. If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. Or go outside.
  12. Buy two-ply toilet paper and split it.  It will also provide you with something to do during commercials when the TV is off.
  13. Make your own candles from used motor oil.  Wear a gasmask when lighting them.
  14. Stay with your mom. But only if she doesn’t ask any rent and you can spunge of her completely.
  15. Take your own microwave-able food to a restaurant.  Be prepared to be thrown out.
  16. Collect all the napkins/condiment packets you can from the same restaurant/take-away for use later during a dinner party.  Just tell everyone it’s a Fast Food theme.
  17. Collect throw-away food and flowers from a dumpster, commonly referred to as Dumpster Diving.  I would advise that you use gloves when sorting through the rubbish, looking for food, you never know what people might throw away.
  18. When filling up at the pump, jiggle the handle and tube of each pump to get leftovers from the last person.
  19. Dilute your vodka/whiskey with water and serve later when everyone’s drunk.
  20. Plan your vacation to destinations where family/relatives/people you’ve met once, live.  And stay with them.
  21. Stop eating.

Before you become concerned, most of these comes courtesy of the show “Extreme Cheapskates” on TLC (and a few from people I know) and it would have been a lot funnier if it wasn’t true.

I’m not sure exactly how much money you will end up saving, but I can guarantee you will lose your dignity, social status and most of your friends.

Maybe you guys can come up with a few more.

Advertisements

10 thoughts on “How to save a penny and lose your dignity. At the same time.

  1. hahaha. I watched one episode about a mother’s budget for her daughters wedding being 1000$ – the dress was bought from a pawn shop and the cake was a demo cake which they could not cut!

    Like

  2. Got a stubborn stain or lose a shirt button?
    Donate the shirt to a charity thrift store. They will clean and fix it before putting it on the rack for sale.
    Purchase the shirt.
    The entire process will be less expensive than taking it to a cleaners/tailor for repair.

    Like

  3. I worked with a guy who would heat his lunch by leaving it on the dashboard of his car in the summer…I have no idea how he heated his lunch in the winter maybe he put it on the car engine and drove around for a bit. TLC (The Learning Channel) needs to change its name.

    Like

I won't bite, I promise...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s