A common New Year’s resolution would be to save a buck here and there and then use those savings to buy property on Mars or a Jet plane. Or maybe not. The point is I needed an opening sentence.
Now that I have your attention I can gladly share my latest discovery on how to save money. Here are 21 tips that will change your life! You might save a penny or more likely, leave you puking in a bucket. Unfortunately this is not a review or a tutorial as I haven’t tried any of them. Yet.
- Share the same mouthwash and dental floss as your partner. Mouthwash can be recycled by rinsing your mouth into a cup. Or French kissing.
- Heat your food in the dishwasher, it reaches high temperatures doesn’t it? Just remember to seal it properly, otherwise your meal might taste a bit soapy.
- Use an old hubcap and some tin foil as a pan/serving dish/plate. Recycle the tin foil.
- Do your gardening at night when power is cheaper. Wear a bullet proof vest.
- Switch of the TV during commercials. They just entice you to spend money.
- Re-dry your tissues. It’s your own snot anyway.
- Borrow better furniture from your neighbour when you have an open house, provided you don’t live in a trailer park.
- Take balloons from old window displays and re-use them for your kid’s birthday party.
- Use animal fat to increase the volume of ground beef. Because animal fat is not disgusting at all.
- Peel bananas before you weigh them. You shouldn’t be eating the peels.
- Keep a record of how many times you flush the toilet and try to reduce that daily. If it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. Or go outside.
- Buy two-ply toilet paper and split it. It will also provide you with something to do during commercials when the TV is off.
- Make your own candles from used motor oil. Wear a gasmask when lighting them.
- Stay with your mom. But only if she doesn’t ask any rent and you can spunge of her completely.
- Take your own microwave-able food to a restaurant. Be prepared to be thrown out.
- Collect all the napkins/condiment packets you can from the same restaurant/take-away for use later during a dinner party. Just tell everyone it’s a Fast Food theme.
- Collect throw-away food and flowers from a dumpster, commonly referred to as Dumpster Diving. I would advise that you use gloves when sorting through the rubbish, looking for food, you never know what people might throw away.
- When filling up at the pump, jiggle the handle and tube of each pump to get leftovers from the last person.
- Dilute your vodka/whiskey with water and serve later when everyone’s drunk.
- Plan your vacation to destinations where family/relatives/people you’ve met once, live. And stay with them.
- Stop eating.
Before you become concerned, most of these comes courtesy of the show “Extreme Cheapskates” on TLC (and a few from people I know) and it would have been a lot funnier if it wasn’t true.
I’m not sure exactly how much money you will end up saving, but I can guarantee you will lose your dignity, social status and most of your friends.
Maybe you guys can come up with a few more.