Houston, I have a problem

Well, actually more like two.  Two minor ones.

texas

The first one being that I couldn’t understand a word you said and I was surprised.  Who knew there would be so many people living in Texas who doesn’t speak English properly.  I’m not referring to the natives who say things like “Yee-haw”, I’m referring to the Spanish speaking ones.

The second problem is similar to my experience of Baltimore, for I missed Houston completely.  Technically it is nothing like my experience of Baltimore, because there I actually stayed amongst the crabs of the city.  In the case of Houston it was only a place where the plane dumped me, whilst passing through.

I had to travel to Katy.  Then to Sealy.  Then to Bellsville.  Which all translate into “The middle of effin nowhere”.

Driving on the Highways or Interstates or Roads (or whatever they call them) of Texas is sufficient proof that it is possible to foresee one’s own future.  The land is so flat you can easily see where you’ll be tree hours from now, provided that you stay on the same stretch of road.  The flatness of the countryside also allows you to see a million flags.  Everywhere.

The people of the Lone Star state was getting into the evil spirit of Halloween, and more and more houses looked like the set design for Beetlejuice.  And where do you guys get all those pumpkins?

I was fortunate to visit the biggest Acetylene generation plant in the world, which brings me to another question…Why does everything have to be so big in Texas?  Cowboys compensating for something, maybe?

I finally had the chance to lose my virginity to Walmart, where I was raped by blatant consumerism and bad taste.  Who sells food, clothes, camping equipment, fruit and every-frigging-other-thing-money-can-buy under one roof? No wonder half the people going there don’t bother to dress themselves properly or take a look in the mirror before leaving the house.  They’re probably just thinking: “Seeing that I’m only going to this one store…”

Even the birds came to check out the numerous specials.  Must admit, I was a little freaked out by the sheer volume of birds flocking around, sitting on walls, crapping on cars.  I tried capturing the weirdness of the scene in a picture below.  If nothing seems out of place then you need help.  Or another address.  Just believe me when I say, that there were enough birds to make a grown man cover his eyes and run like hell to his rental.

Birds 2.... The Wall-mart edition

Birds 2….
The Walmart edition

We ended another day with dinner, because that is what grown-ups do.  We eat, for it’s an acceptable excuse to drink wine.  And I must say the wine was pretty good.  The quality of the wine would be directly proportional to the volume you would consume, which then again would influence your perception of the people you’re dining with.  In this case it made great people better.

My business trip was on it’s last legs, struggling through the final lap, but I still had more one stop before flying home.

The capital. Washington DC.

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7 thoughts on “Houston, I have a problem

  1. What an awful lot of crap. (Whoops – I’m not referring to your write-up, which I enjoyed immensely, but to the Walmart photograph).

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