Especially when you’re without children. Or when you’re attending a conference. You just hang around with a bunch of middle aged businessman who’s trying their best to survive and make a million bucks. (Did I just refer to them as middle aged business man like it was a disease? For the irony of that comment would be that if it was a disease, I’m suffering from the same condition. The survival part, not the making millions…)
The hotel I’m staying in is just another building scattered amongst several other buildings and trees (and I mean a LOT of trees…) lined along the entry points to the Wonderful World of Disney. Entry points that will gladly take a hundred US Dollars from your wallet, give you a fake smile and thank you for your patronage. I’m so close I can even see that giant golf ball from my window.
I’m not going to the park, so there goes my plans of slapping Mickey Mouse across the face. I just think it’s going to be weird for a single man walking around a place that caters for kids. I certainly don’t want to get arrested when I fight off an 11-year old boy for the next place on the Pirates ride. Besides I’m not really in the mood for dodging people, as I’ve been in Time Square nor am I in the mood for taking pictures of sweaty adults in Winnie The Pooh or Pumba costumes. If you think I’m exaggerating, then read this.
Went to Downtown Disney for dinner and the place is as corny as it sounds. I was happy to find a great Italian restaurant. A violin and piano almost achieved the impossible by drowning the sound of screaming kids. I did say almost. There was this one weird dude. An old man covered in bling, went by the name of Mr Ferrari and he was solo-dancing to classical music in front of the band. I’m not drunk, I know what I’m writing. And it is a true story, which obviously deserves a post of his own.
In the spirit of Italy and music and strange people, I order Spaghetti and Meatballs, trying to capture the scene in Lady and The Tramp. Not that I look like a dog. Talking about dogs…
The only thing I’ll remember about Orlando would be Ebola. (And maybe Mr Ferrari) Surprised? Well, you shouldn’t be, not if you’ve been watching CNN. It’s the ONLY thing Americans talk about. Especially that one case. The nurse. The one who DOESN’T have it.
I think it important as a semi-African to enlighten those of the possibility of catching the dreaded E-word. It seems to have replaced the N-word in severity and freak-out factor. Please read this exert from another post I have written on the topic as to why it would be easier for a dog to catch the disease. (The original content was modified and edited for this post.)
The disease has a few early symptoms which include fever, tiredness, headaches and diarrhoea. Very much like the symptoms a teenage boy would have when he considers asking a girl out on his first date. Except maybe the diarrhoea, but including excessive perspiration.
Later symptoms are much more severe and they include vomiting (which might contain blood), diarrheoa (which might contain blood), coughing (which may contain blood) and severe nose bleeds. (As quoted from pamphlet.) These symptoms are nothing like the symptoms experienced by a teenage boy when he asks a girl on a first date. Except for the nose bleed if the specific girl already has a boyfriend.
Fortunately there are a few cardinal rules one can follow and avoid catching the disease. The pamphlet told me.
1. Do NOT touch the vomit, urine, blood or feaces of an infected person. Which is devastating news, as I normally do this kind of thing. If I therefore stop dealing with other people’s shit I should be fine. Got it.
2. Do NOT touch, kiss or wash dead bodies, especially those whom might have been infected. This is also a major disappointment as I’ve always wanted to touch a dead person, especially with Halloween around the corner.
3. Wash your hands often with soap. Again this is a revelation. Before I read this, I never knew what to do with those liquid stuff in most public bathrooms. I assumed most people just placed their hands under running water and then dry it afterwards.
4. Do NOT eat Bats or Chimpanzees. This implies that I’ll have to skip any KFC outlet, for do we really know what those eleven herbs and spices are hiding?
5. If you DO get sick, call a doctor and avoid any human contact. Don’t go bowling.
6. And do NOT Google images of Ebola, for you’ll be sick for very different reasons. (And probably wouldn’t consider this post to be funny at all.)
The bottom line would be, that if you don’t have any canine tendencies like sniffing other people’s asses, licking your own balls, digging for bones or eating your own (or anyone else’s) vomit, I think you should be fine. We should all relax. And not have to implement policies where we place a nurse or soldiers or anyone who risk their lives to save mine, in quarantine if they DON’T have the disease.
But what do I know.
Next stop Baltimore.