The rumours are true.
I’ve won the Superbru world cup challenge of our office and I’ve walked away with the cash. What’s really frustrating to my collegues is that I did NOT watch a single game of the whole extravaganza in Brazil. Unless you count the final, when I saw Germany receive bragging rights for the next four years. For football? Moving on.
I have to explain myself. I don’t like soccer. Or even football. Twenty guys running around for a VERY long time, kicking a ball, trying to get it past some guy with gloves guarding the goal? And then to only win by a measly one point! That’s beyond frustration. Maybe they should remove the goal keeper to facilitate bigger scores and higher entertainment value. I’m with William Web Ellis, who after catching a football in his hands, decided to run with it. And henceforth created rugby. I’m still confused why any able bodied person would want to compete in a sport where you’re not allowed to use your hands, unless that sport is featured in the paralympic games.
My rant is not about soccer.
It’s about what happened to me when I decided to sit through the final of the 2014 World Cup football match. Which is what happens to all men as soon as a starting whistle/siren/bell/gun goes off. It’s what happens when ordinary men changes into men watching sport. It may seem innocent enough, but remember that your loving partner sitting in front of the television, watching a game, might bite your head off if it is approached without caution. Don’t say you weren’t warned.
When men watch sport, we change into something very different. I’m not sure what we become, and I understand there are different degrees of the same condition, so I’m not going to explain what we become. I’ll try and explain WHY we become, whatever it is we become. Here goes…
Most men have balls. I say most men, for these exclude any male who hurts woman and children. Most sports are played with balls. See the connection? Men like to play with balls. It would be frowned upon if men suddenly started playing with their own balls, and it’s even weirder considering playing with a friend’s. Based on public perception it would be obvious that men would developed games that incorporates playing with balls. Big balls and small balls. Any ball. Some guys even use a stick to play with balls. And other men like to watch. Fact.
Men like to win. And we like to win a fair fight. Men in committed relationships don’t normally have this luxury, I mean, winning a fair fight. We simply replace that primal desire with watching sport. Irrespective of who ends up the victor in a sporting match, the winner would be based on a set of rules that all men understand and in most cases, an unbiased referee. Most of the time the best team/man wins. Which is awesome but doesn’t happen often in quarrels with woman. For woman don’t have rules. They don’t play fair as they bring tears and emotion and feelings and historic events to the game. All the things that are foreign and strange to men. So we rather watch sport.
Most men are not big on talking. On sharing emotion. Being in a relationship implies having many such conversations. Generations of woman made it very clear that men can’t do more than one thing at a time. Multitasking is the word used to describe that inability. When men watch sport, they occupy all their senses. Outside stimuli doesn’t exist. Even if there is a life threatening situation. We will be oblivious to the imminent danger to our lives, as we are already focused one something else. Which is why we don’t hear comments on in-laws, household chores and giving more attention to the kids.
But the biggest reason why men watch sport is to have a better understanding of woman. Surprised? It shouldn’t be. Men become emotionally involved in sport. We also have that chewing feeling in our stomachs when the nervous energy rages through our bodies at the start of the game. We also agonize over the expectation of the inevitable final result. Throughout the duration of the game we laugh, we cry, we get mad, we want to break shit, we want to make up, we want to shoot someone, we want to hug someone and in the end it all makes us happy. Is that not the exact same emotion that woman experience in their relationships with men?
See, how it works. Men gain understanding.
The next time you see your hubby/boyfriend/whatever-you-call-us-these-days, watching a sporting match, don’t complain or nag or do what you normally do, just leave them alone. Remember they’re actually doing it in order to become a better partner for you, the wonderful woman in my life.