Gather round children. It. Is. Time. Come sit here at my feet and hand me your ears, for I can see you’re not using them for their intended purpose. Pay attention, I’m gonna blow your mind. Your paradigms are not just about to move, they’re going to scatter to the four corners of your universe.
And it is quite necessary. Desperate times call for desperate measures. And the desperation is obvious when the foundation of your musical appreciation reside in shit like the Selfie song and Gangham Style. I purposefully didn’t embed either of these tunes, as most of my followers are accustomed to a certain standard, and I’m certainly not going to insult any of them now.
This is your musical intervention. Set one – The Art of Signing with a Female Voice.
Way, way, way back when artists were still evaluated on their ability to sing and not what they looked like, there were quite a few woman who was paving the way for those to follow. Even though these ground-breaking woman tried their best to change the concept of not just being sex objects, their lessons are being ignored by some. *cough Miley Cyrus cough*
I’m not saying these woman were not pretty, it’s just that we should be grateful for shoulder pads and big hair as it took some attention away from other less interesting features.
It’s obvious that my intervention implies the musical genius, which is evident in the performing arts of the EIGHTIES and EARLY NINETIES. Music has never been as good as it was during those brilliant times, which ironically, coincide with me growing up. The gods of rock-a-roll has since retired and the whole world has just gone to shit after that. I’ve also decided NOT to use their signature tunes, because then you might have some ignorant impression that they were one hit wonders.
When one consider great female voices of the past, and you don’t come up with the name of Cyndi Laupher, you have some serious issues. You most probably are not human and you should check your birth certificate. Even though she had some weird hair, she sang about all aspects of life, the power of woman, and about love, about fun and about masturbation. (I didn’t mean to put those words so close together…) She was one of those artists who couldn’t give a *insert f-bomb* what other people thought of her artistry. Fortunately everyone loved it and here is her version of “I drove all night“.
(And it’s not a flower in her hair, its a Cruella De Vil inspired look, but pay attention, for that is not what you should remember of this video. Yes Son, I know she’s naked in that one scene… Focus.)
Seeing that you’re still relishing in the obvious nakedness of Cyndi, I will continue the trend and supply more proof that we had some hot woman too. And hotness in the eighties = Belinda Carlisle. Besides the fact that she was one sexy momma, she could actually carry a tune, without the assistance of gimmicks and beats. I’ve included her crooning over the moon in “La Luna“, which was a recurring dream I had when I was 18.
(Yes, it’s probably contact lenses and coloured hair, but who cares.)
Another little known vocalists I adored was Dalbello. And it’s evident that I only liked her voice. If Belinda is going to stay in your dreams then this one will fill the nightmares. You have been warned that this video contains some truly, freaky images like a bald lady on a swing. (Compared to a naked one riding a wrecking ball) Her voice is really unique and the album “She” was something I listened to death. Or until my tape broke. There was a lot of crying when that happened. Hence my inclusion of the phenomenal “Let ‘s Tango“.
Next up another powerhouse vocalist, who can sing the crap out of anything, but made her powerful mark with “The Power of Love”. It’s the brilliance of Jennifer Rush, who seems to have been limited to one album. I’ve included her rendition of “I come undone“, which is a very accurate description of what happens to me, when I hear her voice. And again, her face wasn’t all that bad, once you looked passed the amount of hair. And there was a lot of hair.
Moving on. Next up is a girl band which in my humble opinion, rocked it. Behind quirky hits like “Manic Monday” and “Walk like an Egyptian” there were some serious rocking. And they actually played all of their own instruments. Odd is it not? They were not the type of girls, nice guys like me dared speaking to. Or took home. They would most probably head-butt you into oblivion. Just listen to the sample of “In your room“, which I conveniently added for you. And here we have the added bonus of Susannah Hoffs, escalating the hotness factor of this post by 40. Naked midriff anyone?
Now for the mellow moods we all feel sometimes, this is the person to listen to. It is important to note that those mellow moods were achieved without any stimulant whatsoever. Anyhow. Here is an introduction to the chilled-out Tracy Chapman. I’ve included a very specific tune, “Bang Bang Bang“, about gun violence. This is probably even more relevant today than yesteryear, which is proof that TIMELESS is not just a word.
(Must admit, watching the gold fish in a video about guns, would imply that the director was also in one VERY mellow mood.
Now here’s a lady whom I loved when she featured in the band Yazoo, and surprised me with her solo career as well. The Fabulous Alison Moyet. Just shut up about the hair already, and listen for “I get weak in the presence of Beauty”.
Yes, I see the douche bag in the ponytail with the pink shirt. No I never looked like that.
There are many more icons from this period. Artists like Tina Turner, Madonna, Carly Simon, that bald chick, Laura Brannigan and P!nk. (for the last one is that awesome). But I would like to add two honourable mentions:
The first one, Heart for their heart-wrenching rendition of “Alone”. Which is a song that is covered by every single competitor in every talent based reality series on air today. Most successfully done by Carrie Underwood on that little show, American Idols.
Then I have to add “We Belong” from Pat Benatar. It’s our song. “Our” meaning your parents. This is also another prime example of how weird music video’s used to be. Why on earth is she changing into She-Hulk? And that freaky child choir? Reminds me of Children of the Corn. Maybe everyone was high during that time. No, I’m not confessing anything. Just watch the video, will you.
I know you’re eager to learn more, as you’ve sampled greatness, but I’m done typing. Check out more of their artistry on YouTube.
Next time I will enlighten you on the subject of BANDS. Which is a group of people playing instruments, ie making music and NOT a chorus line of boys taking turns singing. I know I’ve already mentioned The Bangles, but as you all agree, this post needed a desperate boost on the hotness factor.
I don’t want Son to think I was into weird woman.