Parents who shouldn’t be parents

Every blogger has written at least one of them. A post where you’re actually igniting a fuse to a stack of 100 ton TNT.  Like this one.  And instead of trying to put out the spark, I’m just gonna sit and prepare myself for the aftermath of this explosion.  Waiting for the proverbial um… manure to hit the proverbial um… fan.

For there are just some people who are not meant to be parents.  And it’s time someone told them.  And it excludes the obvious ones like serial killers, paedophiles, rapists and other degenerates of our society.

Having kids is the wake-up call of understanding that you’re never going to be a perfect parent, for Mary Poppins is just a fictional character. Perfect Parents does not exist, so please stop trying to become one.  It doesn’t matter how many Oprah episodes you watch or self-help-parenting books you read.  Face the facts.  You’re going to botch it up one way or the other.  It’s like death and taxes.  So with that lesson out of the way, I award myself the right to judge others.  Because being imperfect doesn’t immediately imply you’re stupid.

This is so me...

This is so me…

This is where I want my kids to look at the imperfections of their dad and then compare it to the torment other people put their kids through.  And then have some appreciation.

I might not be a perfect dad but I don’t smoke in a car with my kids present.  As I never indulge in this awful habit, like ever,  *insert crossed fingers behind back and massive halo circling around head* let me just say that anyone who smoke in a car with kids present are borderline abusers.  If you decide to kill yourself, slowly, go ahead, enjoy every moment, but taking your children on the ride with you, is not only selfish and inconsiderate but a whole new level of stupid.

The same goes for people who allow small children to stand upright in the front seat.  Do you realise that they’ve installed this amazing piece of nylon belt complete with a buckle, in EVERY motor vehicle known to man.  It’s called a seatbelt and you’re suppose to use it, for safety.  For if you don’t, most car manufacturers have wasted millions of dollars on crash test dummies.  Yes, I know, they don’t want to, and yes, I know, they can put up a hissy fit that equals the worst kind of torture known to man.  But know this, the agony of managing their refusal is nothing compared to the agony of managing life without them. So buckle up!

Then we have the poor kids who manage to “accidentally” become parents themselves.  (And isn’t it ironic how it’s always an accident?)  Being a father of two I know one thing for sure: Getting a woman pregnant is no frigging accident.  It may even be considered, depending on the fertility of the spouse, hard work.  So without divulging too much, and really embarrass my own children, I have one question: How does one get “accidentally” pregnant?  The last time I checked one needs to be, at least, semi-naked with certain crucial bits, exposed and ready.  So then, do you have to trip and find yourself stuck and unstuck, in a very precarious position, in order to constitute intercourse as being accidental?

So we have these accidental parents who cannot even use a credit card without their parents consent.  They’re raising kids, when they’re still suppose to have a curvue.

(Let me just jump in here, for a brief second, depending on how fast you read.)

In order to reduce the floodgates of wrath spilling out of a million mothers who actually succeeded in raising brilliant children from this exact predicament, one word: RESPECT.  This is only my view of stating that it shouldn’t happen in the first place.  Everything has consequences, and in this particular case the consequence might be children.  And children are not suppose to have children.

The next group of people who shouldn’t have kids are those parents who didn’t get their Noddy badge in third grade, and are now using their kids to relive the glory days of spelling bee’s, recitals and every single sport activity the school has to offer.  Please note that the only kid I know with the ability of being first in EVERYTHING comes from Krypton.  So if your kid has sleepless nights, constant heartburn and an involuntary twitch, it might be that he’s stressed out!  Who cares whether your little darling girl can walk a tightrope with an elephant balanced on her back at age 6.  Stop exploiting your children and let them be what they’re suppose to be, i.e children.

The last gripe I have is those parents who allow their kids to have everything and anything they want.  Every desire becomes a reality, like having a genie as a parent, complying to every single wish.  I don’t care if you can afford it.  You not only raise spoiled brats, but you make the other parents, like me, look bad.  Stop it!  There are certain basic needs that parents need to fulfil, the obvious ones like food, clothes and shelter.  But we all know the two they really need are love and attention.  And if you think that buying them an imported Barbie or every released PlayStation game is fulfilling that need, then you’re doing it wrong.  It’s about spending time.  Which is, stating the obvious, damn hard.

So Son and Princess, if you promise to tolerate all the imperfections of the two amazing parents God gave you, we promise to return the favour.

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26 thoughts on “Parents who shouldn’t be parents

  1. Great Post! And to back you up a bit on the “children having children” onslaught that may be coming, I agree. Don’t play any game that you aren’t willing to pay the price for…and know that raising children does NOT look like a baby food commercial…and it is NOT like on television. You may have those sweet “clean diaper cuddle” moments throughout your life with Baby, but I promise you in sheer numbers, the frustrating moments will outweigh them. I have known great mothers who were incredibly young and unprepared when they had kids and have done an amazing job…and to them I say KUDOS! But I also have know women who waited until they were older and presumably more mature who were crappy mothers and it shows. I think it’s really about if you are ready to put Baby’s needs before 99% of your own needs…at least for a while.

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    • Having kids changes everything and it remains the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But the rewards are unmeasurably great and remains the most wonderful thing I’ve ever done.

      Thanks for the comment.

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  2. For a long time I thought I was a terrible parent, but considering that I managed to raise the kid for 10 years without any serious mishap (touch wood), I may not be that bad after all.
    But yeah, amen to every word in your post.

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  3. BTW, you may need to add a small caveat to exclude “accidental” pregnancy due to forced intercourse (the “r” word), but even in that case, I believe medicine has progressed enough to prevent “accidents”.
    But yes, be prepared for verbal onslaught, and so should I, for voicing the above opinion.

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  4. *aplauding* Every bit of this is truth, and I think a result of the Age of Entitlement we unfortunately live in today. I’ve decided that, as a parent, one of the most valuable things I can teach my children before they leave on their own is the difference between “wants” and “needs.” It’s a distinction that has become blurred in recent years, and one that needs defining for this and the next generation.

    Dear Gawd, I sound like a cranky senior at age 47…

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  5. I hear ya! But then ppl like me (who have no children) are always told that we shouldn’t have an opinion. I just know that when I was working at the children’s hospital, there were parents whom we thought needed pelvic radiation to stop them having more children. Judgmental,and harsh but a sad reality.

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