When Yes isn’t an affirmation

Yes.  Three letters.  A simple word.  With a monumental implication.  A confirmation, a sign of a positive attitude, providing permission to millions in ever household in every country of the world.  It’s probably been uttered on the moon.

And sometimes it’s used, just because it’s the polite thing to do.

Son has a Playstation.  He plays online, frequently.  Well, until we stepped in and began limiting his playtime during the week to an hour a day.  Yes, I know we are heartless parents, without consideration for the necessity of our children to improve their technological skills and social interaction.  That’s a different post.

To enhance his experience, Son bought headphones and a mouth piece with his pocket money.  He needed this piece of equipment to enable him to communicate more effectively with his mates online.  And to reduce the noise level from the study.  And to prevent his Mom from freaking out when the hen discovers the ostrich egg lying in the nest.  Which is an analogy for the excessive swearing used by some of the delinquents who shares the web with our innocent Son…

It would be stating the obvious that Son’s hearing is pretty much non-existent to any outside noise when he uses those damn headphones.  Unless it’s my voice.  He reacts with a quick “Yes Dad” almost immediately.  It seems impossible, but it’s quite logical.  My voice is linked to some weird central nerve in his subconscious after numerous atomic sized explosions in the study; as a result of his inability to react when hearing my voice.  Like a lab rat programmed to run through a maze after being shocked in submission for continuously picking the wrong route.

The only problem with his reaction, is that it only is a “Yes Dad.”   It doesn’t matter what the question or statement might be.  I could suggest that he wipes his butt with poison ivy and then run naked down the street.  His reaction will remain the same.  And that adds a new level of frustration to the sanctuary I like to call home.

(It has to be said that when the tone/pitch of my voice is slightly higher then he reacts with “Yes Mom.”)

One evening I was complaining venting my frustration about those headphones that is causing the slow demise of my sanity.  I was about to suggest that we take them off and shove it up his…  When she calmly interrupted me by saying I do exactly the same.

“That’s preposterous!” I roared, whilst quickly scanning a few files in my head, ensuring my innocence of said statement.  The scan came back clean, so I forged ahead confidently.  “When do I ever do that?  The only time I use headphones, is at the gym, alone.  How can you compare that with what Son is doing.”

I thought I had it in the bag, but here’s a lesson.  When your wife makes an unexpected comment like that, the best would be to shut up and not be your cocky self.  Don’t try and be a man.  Just back off and walk away. (Which I didn’t do…)  Because when it comes to woman and arguments, here’s a fun fact:  You’re probably wrong.  Most of the time.

Still relaxed, my lovely wife took a slight breath and something changed in her eyes indicating to me that I just stepped in it.  My goose was not only cooked, it was about to be served with some mint sauce.  I stood defeated, waiting for her reveal, which came quickly and calculated:

“It happens when you watch TV.  And then you don’t even need headphones.  When your eyes are locked on that screen, a hand grenade can explode in your lap and you won’t even flinch.  I might as well not exist.  You turn stone deaf.”

I immediately held up my hands, threw down my weapons and raised a ginormous white flag, for in that moment I pictured the scene.   I’m sitting watching anything, then I hear a voice, or rather, I think I hear a voice.  A voice that’s not from TV-Land.  It resembles a vaguely, familiar female voice, slightly agitated.  Then I say quickly: “Yes Dear?”

Every. Single. Time.

I could only tell her how much I loved her, before walking away cursing…quietly, off course.


4 thoughts on “When Yes isn’t an affirmation

  1. Your wife actually talks to you? Most nights after the kids are asleep, my wife is on the damn iPad and I am on the damn laptop. If we want to communicate, it’s often easier to send an email to each other, even though we’re sitting side to side on the bed!


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