Time’s running out. Someone took a rocket missile and blasted that little opening between the two cubicles of the hour glass to smithereens, resulting in the last few minutes of my 39th year flowing as freely as the tears from teeny boppers at a Justin Bieber concert. So I need to speed up the posts, if I still wanna make the list of 40 lessons I’ve learned in my so-called life, before I hit forty, or as it’s known in in my house rock-bottom.
26. Pick up your clothes. For garments made from cotton, polyester and whatever else they use these days, does not grow legs. It can’t pick itself up. So by you NOT doing it, implies someone else have too. Learn this now and the nagging will stop immediately. The alternative would be to just let the clothes pile up and then (1) You might have a very interesting (and expensive) mountain climbing rig in your room, or (2) You’ll suffocate and die, just like Alexander The Great. Yes he did. (But who would not want to see Angelina Jolie picking up clothes in his room!) Another benefit would be that when you acquire the skill of putting clothes in the washing bin, you will retain it as an adult and your future wife will also have one less reason to nag you.
Don’t get mad. Get even. Sorry, I meant to say: Don’t go to bed mad. Sleep on the floor. No, no, no. I’ trying to say: Don’t fall asleep with anger hovering like a ghost in the room. It’s another cliché, but this one doesn’t get the necessary credit is so rightly deserves. Even when you’re married to an angel, like I am, you sometimes find that they need to send their wings for dry-cleaning and they end up preparing dinner as a mere mortal. In comes husband, who is totally unaware of said dry-cleaning gig, and he complains about the lack of red meat on the menu. The look will escalate into a full blown fit, morphing into a serious tiff and eventually explodes all over the kitchen walls, with deafening silence. And this is not a good quiet, like when you’re sitting in church, this is video with no audio. The silence is followed by awkwardness that fills the loving space we used to call home and as we’re forced to share a bed, we talk. Well mostly they talk and we listen. But there’s understanding, reconciliation, hugs and great make-up sex. For those are the best kind. (Should I have stopped sooner…)
28. Yes. People at our age still do it, and Yes. We still love to do it. (Now I’ll watch you squirm and try and get over that one…hehe)
29. Find something you’re prepared to do for free, every day and choose that as your career. Obviously this needs some explaining, as this doesn’t necessary include PlayStation gaming or Social networking, unless of course you’re the next Mark Zuckenberg, who can screw over his friends, or get a job with some gaming company. If you’re fortunate enough to end up gaming for a salary, just consider your reply when hanging around new people and they ask you for your occupation. Answering with “I’m a player” might not go down well with the ladies.
30. If you’re in a relationship and you realise it’s not going to work out, or you know that the person is not the one, end it. For both your sakes. There’s no sense in dragging on with a relationship when it is as clear as dish-washed crystal that it’s never gonna last. Move one. To be in a relationship takes time, effort and commitment, and then there’s trust and compromise, and let’s not forget about the money. I know I’m forgetting something… Oh yes love. It needs love. But even with all these things in place, every couple goes through bad patches, those special moments when you contemplate the choices you’ve made and murder. But when I refer to “work” in a relationship, it should NOT conjure images of a guy, standing in ankle chains, swinging a hammer at rocks in an orange jumpsuit. If your relationship feels like a life sentence instead of a life journey; then it might be time to break out. You’ll both be happier, eventually.
I have 10 more to go, and it suddenly dawned on me: Wisdom grows with age. Which would be a logical reason why I’m racking my brain for another 10 of these thing-a-ma-advise-thingies. I’m STILL A YOUNGSTER! But I won’t quit. I will list forty, even if I have to lie and make some up.