I am gonna be away for a while. My visits will be less frequent. I will NOT post daily. I will miss you, and I’m sure you’ll miss me. As a matter of fact I need to warn you, you might need counselling as the product of neglect. You will feel sorry for yourself and roam the streets full of self pity and no sense of self worth. For having coveted my undivided attention for the last year, it will feel like you have been thrown in a foreign jail with absolutely no one to visit you..
So man up and stay strong, don’t be a girl. Here are my reasons for my temporary abandonment.
1. Spending time with you, proves that one can have mental orgasms frequently. In fact your so good that I have one every time. For that I thank you, but truth be told… I’m camping, at the beach, with the family. My annual leave has arrived just in time for I was started to get Hannibal Lecter-like thoughts about my co-workers.
Writing does wonders for my soul, and you’ve allowed me to discover parts of me I didn’t know existed. But in comparison to sitting on deck chairs, sipping wine, holding the wife’s hand, watching my kids body surf in the waves, and curling my toes in the sand, you got nothing. Zilch. Competing against the soothing sound of the ocean waves rolling into shore and kicking a cool spray into the air, with warm sunrays dancing on my bare skin and the relaxed, content eyes of my love… You ain’t got jack-shit. Sorry. The truth hurts. So less writing.
2. I’m spending time with the kids, and seeing that they are the motivation for your creation in the first place, they take first priority. I don’t have the excuse of work or travel, as a matter of fact I can’t even use you as my excuse for I’m not at work or travelling, which is basically when we spend most of our time together. It’s about getting of my butt to built sandcastles, play tennis in the sand, even throw a damn Frisbee. We play. We laugh. We connect. We love. And that equals not writing.
3. I’m on the beach. I’ve said it before, but you need to grasp a full understanding of the fact that when the sun shines, we swim, body surf, and turn into red lobsters by basking for hours. The fundamental concept you need to get is that fine beach sand and electronics don’t go together. It’s like my sister and her ex-husband. They just can’t be in the same room together. It turns nasty. Thus less writing.
4. I prepare most of the dinners, for most of the dinners are meat, and thus I braai. It’s a man thing, and this responsibility is passed on immediately and without any consultation. It just happens. Like gravity and taxes. And I love it. I love standing around the fire, reminiscing about the day and cooking meat to a lovely shade of medium. The wife nestled in her camp chair with a magazine. It’s amazing. Thus more cooking time = less writing time.
5. Beer and wine is no longer restricted for consumption within specific time zones, i.e after work. Being on annual leave implies that one can have a cold one anytime one feels like it. Beer makes me extremely lazy, so the natural progression of a day is basically getting up, laying in the hot sun, swimming, trying to throw a Frisbee effectively, drinking a few, braai’ing dinner, then inevitably sleep. Like a dead person. Thus less writing.
So in the end you will have to take a back seat. You will have to except the reality of my rest and wondrous holiday. I do accept my responsibility and apologize profusely. I promise to visit as frequently as I can, but it won’t be ten times a day. Don’t fret too much, just relax. Remember you’re competing against fun , sun and sea, and you basically didn’t have a chance.
And if you really battle with rejection, find a support group.
See you soon.