The Poor little Toothbrush

One of my favourite bloggers, Fascinations of a Vanilla Housewife, posted this picture of her toddlers toothbrush.  Please look at the picture for it screamed for a back story.  And you will all be better people if you follow her as well.

I am alone, lying on the table.  A forgotten piece of plastic.  I had purpose, I had a reason to be alive.  Now I can’t face anyone.  I am dirty.  I feel dirty.  I just want to die, just want to curl up and melt away.  It was so terrible, a never-ending nightmare.  I can’t take it anymore.  How could she do that me?  Me, an innocent toothbrush.

Here is how it happened.

I was minding my own business, really I was.  Standing in CUP, shaking of sleep and getting ready for the day.  Blue normally doesn’t say much, he just waits for dad to pick him up, does his thing and plonks! him back.  Green belongs to little John and still looks brand spanking new, for he is not used as often as he should be.  And then we have our beloved queen, Miss Purple.  (She vibrates, which is soooo amazing. Real classy lady she is.)

Sorry I’m rude.  My name is Whitey, and I belong to the youngest member of the family, Cindy.  I like to think I got my name from being efficient in my job, but it’s probably more to do with my colour.  I recently moved to CUP, which is what we call our house here.  It’s not the best CUP, but I did hear others talk about staying in cupboards, or just lie forever on the counter, looking at the drain.  A drain is the most scary thing ever, this deep, dark hole that forces the water to spin in this mystic circle down, down, down.  I have heard stories from Miss Purple about some poor sods who were stuck down those exact holes, heads broken off.  Seriously, I am not kidding, and Miss Purple will never lie about things like that.

As I said it was a normal morning and we were standing around chatting, trying to get Blue to say something.  He didn’t.  So we just kept quiet and listened to the wake-up noises echoing in the house. Strange and exciting noises.  Only Blue has gone beyond the borders of the bathroom, as Dad tends to walk around the house, while using him.  But since Blue doesn’t say much, we don’t ask, even though I would love to hear stories of his adventures in the other rooms.  If only I knew…

Then I hear Mom instructing Cindy to get dressed and brush her teeth for they are going to be late, again.  Hearing Mom telling Cindy to brush her teeth is the sweetest sound in the universe.  It would be music to my ears, if I had any.  Moments later Cindy runs into the bathroom, stand on the little pedestal and stretches loudly.  I feel her warm little hands cuddle me and then she picks me up.  A glorious moment I feel every day, sometimes even twice a day.  I shake my little head with anticipation.  Now she will put some wonderous smelling toothpaste all over my face and I can get on with cleaning all those filthy germs out of her sweet mouth.  Can you ask for anything better in life?

Something was different this morning.  Maybe it was the fact that Cindy was still in her jammies, or maybe it was the quick movement, but something was off.  Only proven by the fact that she didn’t put any paste on my face, instead she got off the pedestal and tiptoed to the door.  My heart stopped.  What’s happening?  I was terrified and excited all at the same time.  I tried to control my heartbeat, out of fear that Cindy might hear.  She didn’t.  She scuttled to the door and peeked around the doorframe.  Why would she do that?  I didn’t see anyone, but I could hear Mom and Dad talking in the next room.

Cindy scrambled out of the bathroom, down the stairs.  I forgot about her senseless actions.  Here I was, little Whitey, going beyond the bathroom!  I was ecstatic, my heart racing like a steam train.  I remember time slowing down. There was so much to see, couches, tables, flowers, the tv.  Everything was so new and foreign and amazing….  Then I saw THING!

Toothbrushes don’t have a lot of things that keep us awake at night.  One is the drain, but the most talked about horror of them all is a THING.  A four legged monster roaming the house, chewing on unsuspected objects, killing them.  I shrieked, but managed to control a full on panic attack.  I prayed that Cindy wouldn’t let me fall.  Miss Purple told me in confidence that THING is the reason why Blue doesn’t say much.  Blue actually saw a friend of his being chewed up alive by this exact monster.  Poor Blue.  Suddenly I am terrified.

Cindy kneels next to THING.  I am so close, I can actually feel his breath on my body.  My heart pounds uncontrollably and I am sure all my bristles are going to fall of any second.  Then Cindy speaks softly: (I think humans call it whisper.)

“Bad dog. Bad dog.  Why did you finish mom’s chocolate, Spotty?  I told you, you can’t.  Now I am going to be in trouble for leaving it on the coach.  Bad dog.”

THING just whines slightly, and then I see his jaw covered in some dark brown muck.  I had to be the chocolate that Cindy referred too.  But what is she doing now?

She sits on the floor and places THING on her lap and then…OH MY GOD…I can’t say it.  It was terrible.  It was disgusting and humiliating and the most awful thing to ever happen to toothbrushes, ever!

Cindy shoved me, without any toothpaste, into the mouth of THING!  No, this is not something I can make up.  Why would I lie about something so terrible?  My head was covered with brown goo and spit and all kinds of nasty stuck between THING’s teeth.  I knew I will never be the same again.  I kept on telling myself that it’s only my body, it’s only my body, but eventually I realised that they took my soul as well.

After an eternity I heard a faint call, it was Mom.  Cindy took me out of THING’s mouth and ran back up the stairs.  My bristles were violated beyond repair and the stains of my humiliation would remain forever.  She shoved me unceremoniously back into CUP.  I remember Miss Purple trying to find out what happened, trying to console me, but I couldn’t speak, I couldn’t recount the horror of what happened to me.

Later that day Mom walked into the bathroom.  After a few moments she picked me up and called Cindy.  I can’t be sure though.  There was some exchange, and Mom placed me on the counter.

This is where I am still lying.  Looking at the drain, longing to disappear into that black abyss.  I am not sure what’s going to happen to me, but I know I will never recover.  I need to warn my friends, Blue and Green and my lovely Miss Purple.  I can’t, my voice was taken and I will never be able to share my nightmare with anyone.

I know now that there are worse things that can happen to a toothbrush other than being eaten by a THING.  You might end having to clean a THING’s teeth…

I shiver and I still want to die.  If only I had eyes to close…


25 thoughts on “The Poor little Toothbrush

  1. BAHAHAHA! You are crazy! and this is crazy! Now I’m guilty over not knowing what happened to my toddler’s toothbrush! How did you come up with all this within, what, 30 minutes? Love love love your crazy little back story here.
    (They can talk?!) LMAO


  2. Pingback: The Little Toothbrush. What happened next? | Ah dad...

  3. Pingback: Victim…Victor? You choose. | Ah dad...

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