Are men shallow?

If with “shallow” you mean whether we can withstand the onslaught of commercial manipulation, using attractive woman to persuade men into buying shit, then the answer is an unfortunate YES, my son.  We are weak and they exploit this reality.  We are powerless against the army of beautiful woman used in advertising.  We are suckers, and thus, as shallow as the drained tidal pool at the beach, during winter.

Take this example.  I heard a Susannah Hoff song again recently, “My side of the bed.”  At the time of the song’s release in 1991, I thought it was the greatest piece of music ever written or performed.  I recorded it onto my tape, three times in a row, because that is what you did when you liked a song.  There was no repeat button, and my Walkman already had some issues rewinding.  I got crazy about the song after seeing the music video which features the former Bangles lead pouncing around her bed with little underwear and a loose hanging  men’s shirt.  I remember wishing that it was my shirt, but that is another story…

When I heard the song again this week, do I still think my initial review rang true?  Not so much.  I actually wondered why I liked the song in the first place.  (It has to be said that I was a hormone raging 17 year old at the time of the song’s release.)  I went back to Youtube and checked out the video, to gain some uhm.. perspective.  My reasons for liking it became clear as day and I have found a new appreciation for the song.

(Come on, look at this and tell me you DON’T appreciate Susannah like the song.)

(By the way the exact same example would work just as well if you replaced the artist with Belinda Carlisle and the song with “La Luna.”)

But I am trying to make a point here, teaching a life lesson, therefore I will try to focus.  Just wanna check out Belinda quickly…

I’m back.  Whenever woman are involved in product placement it skews men’s perception of their need or appreciation of said product.  Our judgement seems to become slightly clouded.  I mean did we actually enjoy watching Britney Spears in a school uniform?  You know we did.  Was the song really that good?  Hell no.

Every time you walk into a mall there would be some promotion running for total unnecessary crap, like cat calendars or pedicures for dogs or fake perfumes.  And every time hot girls will be walking around, dressed like prostitutes, convincing men to buy.  My son, here is my advice for those situations.

Rather be rude and walk on.  If you can’t, which I fully understand, evade any form of eye contact, ignore the flirting and focus on the fact that you are about to spend money on something you don’t need.  Think about it, think about it again and walk away.  But you won’t.  I know.  For we are weak and shallow.

The only men who avoid these situation are men who have another female at their side.   When men are accompanied by another female they create a force field acting as a deterrent for those vixens hiding behind pretty faces and short skirts to pounce upon poor innocent, unfortunate men.  The strength of the force field is directly proportional to the love you feel for the female next to you.  That’s why I only shop with mom, it wouldn’t work for you, sorry.

No other man can withstand the power of an attractive woman.  They will take your money and sent you smiling, and you will arrive home wondering what the fuck you are going to do with another can of pet food.  You will shrug and stack it away with the 17 other cans you already bought during the last 9 days, since the promotion started running.

Where are the feminists?  Where are those woman who fight to prevent the degradation of our young female population!  Come on, get with it.  Fight with us, we need you.  Shallow men and feminists fighting together, protecting the innocent, single male falling victim to wasting money.  The only trouble is that when you prevent “them” from clouding our judgement, half of the retail industry will collapse.

In conclusion, shallow men drive the economy.   That and woman cosmetics.  Ah, shit…


3 thoughts on “Are men shallow?

  1. This cracked me up. I used to have a big thing for Belinda Carlisle–she had the biggest…eyes! I remember camping out in front of our TV to record videos of her on MTV. Susannah Hoffs also told me I was her eternal flame–so back off. Shallow: check. Male: check, check. Great post, Pieter.


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