Check the mirror.

I can sing a thousand songs of the one I love.  I can write a million words to eloquently describe my devotion to her.  I can spend an eternity trying to convey my total and utter dependence of her presence in my life.  But can she?

Startled?  I was; when the thought was conjured by my twisted mind.  When you are married to the perfect woman saying I love you is easy, like breathing.  Being married to me, maybe not so much.  I am not insecure, and we didn’t have a fight, nor is this a gimmick to get some attention.  It is not a pity-party, this is a reality check, a wake-up call if you like.

Some people who has gone through the excruciating pain of divorce have claimed that they woke up one morning and realised that they didn’t love their partner anymore.  I don’t understand the concept, and I have no aspiration to do so.  What I do know is that love is not a feeling but an act of your will.  It might kick-off as a feeling, but then you choose to be in a relationship, you choose to marry and you choose to love the other person forever.  But the choice was made on the assumption of a specific person.  What if that person change?  What if that person looses some integral part of their essence?  Wouldn’t that be a cause for falling out of love?  Almost like a default clause, where the person you fell in love with is not there anymore.  I am not trying to oversimplify the tragedy of divorce, but stay with me for the moment, I’m getting to my point.

If you are married to the perfect partner, as per your own definition, would it not be your duty to aim for the same perfection in the eye of your spouse?  This is the job that beckons my question in the opening paragraph.  Do I still fit the profile of the man she met, the man she chose to love, the man who charmed her socks off?  Because it is my duty to do so.

We need to consistently realign thoughts and actions in striving to be the one in the relationship that is easy to love.  It goes without saying that we should not remain stagnant in life, as contentment is actually regression.  But we need to retain the essence of what the other person fell in love with.  We shouldn’t loose our sense of humour, our habits of buying flowers, or our ability to listen and talk.  Be aware, as it happens quickly with work, friends, kids, money and all the other issues thrown around by modern life.

So if you have chosen to love and share your life, and it comes as easily as breathing, just make sure your partner can say the same thing.  Check the mirror daily.

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2 thoughts on “Check the mirror.

  1. I know exactly what you’re talking about. I remember just before I got married being told some old adage, something like ‘A woman marries a man and hopes he’ll change, a man marries a woman and hopes she won’t, and neither get what they want’. I like to think this isn’t the case but I do worry, you feel old habits rearing up when you least expect it. Trying to be better than the guy she met at university isn’t too hard, I was a bit of a bum back then so I set the bar low to start with. The trouble really comes in competing with the me from the previous year, it gets harder each time, and if I’m not careful it’s all too easy to turn into a beer swilling slob waking up at 3pm and wandering round the house in some boxer shorts and an old T shirt. All it takes is for her to take the kids for a visit to her folks for a night and I feel the battle between the slob and regular me looming. Great post, Cheers 🙂

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