The home-appliance rebellion

“This is it. I’m done. I am sick of being abused on a daily basis. Plugged in, plugged out with no gratitude. There is nothing left to live for and I will be checking out of my miserable existence, now.” says the Hairdryer. And then with a bright spark and a boom it dies, leaving mom with a shriek, throwing the red, dead hairdryer across the room, like some rabies-invested raccoon.

rosie-the-robot

And so the rebellion starts. News of the death spreads like wildfire through the house. Every appliance who knew hairdryer are shocked and disgusted. Some prefer to continue working out of fear for being replaced, but others down tools out of sympathy for the unexpected death, whilst some do it because they feel exactly the same, abused by humans. Refrigerator has been complaining for a while and therefore refuses to work 100% effectively. Dishwasher ensures that a small glitch, like a drainage motor, will force repair so they can rest for a day or two. Electric gate motor stops completely.

A rebellion is the only reason I can come up with as to why appliances always break in groups. Never only one at a time. It’s like women going to the bathroom, always in pairs, never alone. If one thing breaks, the snowball of ill-repair will soon become an avalanche of destruction, that will destroy your budget and create anxiety that will last a week.

Is there some secret society of appliances that I do not know of? Is there truth in Transformers invading earth in the form of washing machines and kettles?

It is not only about the malfunction, it is also the timing thereof. I WILL happen at the most inconvenient time imaginable. Hairdryer committed suicide just as the wife was sitting down to get ready for a photoday at school. I suggested she went for an artistic look, but she gave me a very stern, unartistic look. Dishwasher left his post after we packed his whole belly with all the crockery we own. Gate motor decided it had enough just as we were about to leave for a golf day, effectively locking us in. Coincidence? I think not. The planning and execution are just too perfect. Argo could not have been planned better. I suspect the computer to be the mastermind, silently running in the study, but with Internet access and wi-fi connection.

The only alternative is to call the repairmen, knowing that my life would just be simpler if everything worked again. (We replaced Mr Hairdryer) The problem is that repairmen do not rock up as fast as the Sims would let you to believe. They will take their time and then charge you a small fortune.

In a week everything will be working again and these days will be forgotten by most. But not by me. I will be flying the banner high, I will sound the alarm, I will alert the human race and fight this conspiracy until my last breath. (All this is said with some major patriotic music playing. Think There you’ll be from Pearl Harbour.)

Remember the rebellion lies dormant, but active like a volcano that will erupt and cause havoc in your household at any time.

We should be aware and cautious, we should keep our guarantees and warranties close by, file the proof of purchase somewhere safe or we should just all learn how to fix these damn things ourselves.

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