I am in physical pain. Typing this creates involuntary eye twitches as my arms need to be picked up. I knew this would happen, and I still did it willingly. Idiot anyone?
I used to go to the gym everyday non-stop for the last four years. Maybe missing a day here and there. I would wake up @ 05h00 every weekday morning and go for my daily workout. Weekends were created for doing nothing. I didn’t aim to look like anyone, I just wanted to stay fit and toned, throwing some weights around. This also prevented me from kicking the dog, screaming at the kids and killing my boss.
I say used to, as I have not been in the gym since last November. I finally convinced the lazy guy in the mirror to get off his ass and dragged him out of bed the day before yesterday to start some exercise again. Secret revealed.
I decided to list the ten things I learned this week as a warning to others who wants to (a)Stop or (b) Start exercising.
1. It hurts. Like hell. Not lifting weights for more than 9 weeks make your muscles forget why they are attached to your bones in the first place. My body savoured the beer and sugar it was getting and now my muscles are screaming and cursing for what I am putting them through. They are acting out and refuse spitefully to co-operate with me, even if I want to, let’s say, pick up a pencil or walk.
2. Everyday new muscles and body parts will join the revolution that is now rampant in my body.
3. You lose strength. Don’t get me wrong, I never aimed to be an Arnold, but I took pride in my ability to bench press a weight close to my own bodyweight. This week I was less than succesful. I think I might have bench pressed the bodyweight of an 8 year-old. It might be due to my age, but I prefer to blame it on my long absence.
4. People will assume you have died if they see you every day and then suddenly not at all for three months. It is probably due to the fact that there are only about twenty people alive at that time of the morning.
5. It still sucks to wake up when half the world are still asleep. The half of my world being my wife and kids. You ask yourself why you do it, while doing it.
6. Keeping your stomach contracted, to avoid showing the extra calories that you have been storing over christmas, can only be done for about 3 minutes max. Then you pass out.
7. The crazed bodybuilders still focus on their own form in the mirror, dressed in their brightly coloured vests. They avoid any human contact until they finished their bicep curl with a load “Uuuurgggh” and dropping the weight with a load “clunk”. I call it the soundtrack for duechebags.
8. Crazy humans that wake up early to do any form of exercise (running, cycling or going to gym) are still a minority. We should be thankful. There are some concerns as this disease does spread during summer but the virus causing the urge to exercises dies in winter.
9. Some people still cannot drive at that time of the morning, even if there’s basically no vehicles on the road.
10. Runners still think that they can play chicken with most cars, so they will occupy most of the road. I still think petrol is not that expensive, why run?
11. Did I mentioned that it hurts? Like hell? Where is the friggin’ truck that reversed over me, twice?
Someone said to me this morning, “It’s a good pain, it means my muscles are working again”. Yeah right, who asked you, shithead? You’re not the one who has to slither down the stairs and crawl to your car. The moral of my story is: “Never stop once you start.”